Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
One official asked the other:
- Do you believe that, Putin will go to a third term?
- If he will not go to the third, we'll pull the first.
Joke #28296 —  
 
0
 
Get married - this is how to get Intepnet with neogpanichennym access - long
pursue, receive, and - do not know why you have to do it.

Joke #28295 —  
 
0
 
Father zastukivaet stranger in the bed of his daughter, the stranger:
- Do not worry, Dad! After all, I had to learn how your daughter
looks in the morning, before they take the offer.
Joke #28294 —  
 
0
 
Grandmother:
- Kids! Go to drink milk!
Cow:
- Kids! Go to drink milk!
Grandmother:
- Kids! Go have a steak!
Cow:
- Kids! Children? .. DEETIIII!
Joke #28293 —  
 
0
 
Call on the radio "Chanson":
- Tell, please, for the beloved wife and mother in law song
Vladimir Vysotsky "Horses choosy"!
Joke #28292 —  
 
0
 
The first of January all Uzbek domains located in the zone. Net will
made in the zone. yok
Joke #28086 —  
 
0
 
Riddle: In one ear, and in other flies?
Answer: SCRAP.
Joke #28085 —  
 
0
 
Master's Tips. If you do not take care of the cultural program for
New Year's party, it does not matter: put tables in the smallest
room and buy a meal is half of what is needed. The guests themselves with
happy to organize all competitions: the nostalgic "You are not
stood, and forever young "last sandwich, and when properly
selected disposable utensils and virtuosic "Nakoli fungus" (a flexible
plastic plate, hanging from the left hand, standing on one leg and on
provocatively poddevaya elbows competitors).
Among the winners play the sweet.
Joke #28084 —  
 
0
 
Armenian Radio was asked:
It should be called registrar's office for gays?
Answer: The Palace srakosochetaniya!
Joke #28083 —  
 
0
 
Two guy fuck one woman. Baba yells:
- Vasya, Vasya, you're just a miner!
- It's in the ass you have a miner, and I - sport!
Joke #28082 —  
 
0
 
(In light of the increasing trend of hidden advertising vodka)

Advertisement

Will shoot high-quality vodka advertised brand.
Brands "Tampax" and "Olveys not offer.
Joke #28081 —  
 
0
 
The new law of Archimedes: The body immersed in a liquid ... can immerse
another body ... to the mutual satisfaction of both bodies.
Joke #28080 —  
 
0
 
- I demand satisfaction!
- And where you would you satisfachit?
Joke #28079 —  
 
0
 
Be careful! Sales occur pirated discs. Contents at
are the same, but the joy holders - no.
Joke #28078 —  
 
0
 
Want to start a small business? Buy big and pay once all
taxes.
Joke #28077 —  
 
0
 
Peter. Nightclub goes girl. To her ideal man and
asks:
- Do not prompt, but how long?
- AAAA! NORMAL!
Joke #28076 —  
 
0
 
Law Showbiz:
The worse the voice of the singer, the less of her clothes.
Joke #28075 —  
 
0
 
At the lesson the teacher tells the children:
- Imagine that you got an appointment in a secular society. And you
see that one girl on the side of the skirt sticking thread. What should
do?
One student replied:
- Well, I would have walked up and pulled the thread.
- No, but if the skirt to fall? More options?
Another student:
- I would say: "Sorry, you have a thread sticking out of a skirt."
- It's unseemly, it can say "Where do you see?". More options
there?
Students make several assumptions, all wrong.
As a result, the teacher said:
- It is necessary to come up and say "Excuse me, you have to shoulder sticks
thread, she looked down and saw a thread and would pull it.
A pupil from the back of the desk said the teacher:
- Excuse me, please, you have to tie flies undone.
Joke #28074 —  
 
0
 
Student's cookbook "300 dishes from the beach-package.
Joke #28073 —  
 
0
 
I put forth a word. It consists of treh letters: the first letter - "x", the latter
- "Th". Guess the word!
What did you guess? That's what I thought.
I mean the word "hi".
Joke #28072 —  
 
0
 
- Do you have something on the psychology of education for children from 5
to 12 years?
- A soldier's belt, leather, in good condition.
Joke #28071 —  
 
0
 
In the Guinness Book of Records entered employee lab tests M.
Pupkin. For 2 years she has gathered a collection of 12000 matchboxes.
Joke #28070 —  
 
0
 
... Vovk and then drank "Baikal" and slowed Yukos! And therein attendants --
nemereno! Now we have these attendants nuts people!
Joke #28069 —  
 
0
 
Russia's Defense Minister speaks at a meeting of government:
- We should stop debilizatsiyu people on television!
Look to what brought us "Anshlag"! Well, what heads what angle?
Looking at me!
Joke #28068 —  
 
0
 
- The men among you?
- This, as life.
Joke #28067 —  
 
0
 
M. Galkin awakes in a skirt and hug a husky guy in a head-dress
and thinks: "Again I was in a bath with someone confused, all tied, Moiseeva
parody, not anymore.
Joke #28066 —  
 
0
 
Away.
- Do your wife a very original earrings. I is not never seen such.
- Yes I just forgot to buy her a gift on New Year's. Had to give
his cufflinks.
VG
Joke #28065 —  
 
0
 
The whole country, toil celebration of New Year's morning
January 11, gladly went to work ...
Joke #28064 —  
 
0
 
From Zhirinovsky
Russia spashivaet in Ukraine:
- Is it true that you have a separate state?
- True! After all, we have a flag, national emblem and national anthem!
- And his tongue?
- Yes!
- As in Ukrainian hand?
- Hand.
- A leg?
- Leg.
- And the ass?
- Sraka.
- And that, because Sraka you have your flag, emblem and anthem?
Joke #28063 —  
 
0
 
If you see on the TV screen V. Zhirinovsky, but not hear
mate, do not worry - this is not the sound of the TV refused, it shows you
his photo.
Joke #28062 —  
 
0
 
Government's Tips - Your soldiers will last you much longer,
If your order of the Minister of Defense to increase their lifespan.
Joke #28061 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. chukcha a trolley, buys a ticket conductor.
After a suitable time again, takes another ticket.
was again, takes more ... The conductor does not hold:
- Listen to the fig to you for three tickets? Well first - it is clear, and others?
Chukcha:
- If the first has been lost, but another controller remain.
- And the third reason?
- However, if the second is lost, then the third will be.
- But if THIRD lost?
- Ah, but, Chukchi not a fool, the Chukchi travel is ...
Joke #28060 —  
 
0
 
Question: List the major female sex organs.
A: The vagina, oralische, analische.
Joke #28059 —  
 
0
 
When buying a new "Peugeot", a winter set (hat, boots, gloves) in
present.
Joke #28058 —  
 
0
 
Every self-respecting man should know two things:
- Give to devour!
and
- Let me eat in peace!
(what? sex? on an empty stomach?)
Joke #28057 —  
 
0
 
Students Mytishchi culinary college invented sandwich "Dream".
This is when you have two pieces of bread and you dream about meat between them.
Joke #28056 —  
 
0
 
Goes peasant home by car, suddenly time - on the road comes out hare.
Guy on the brakes, steering wheel bent - just barely traveled. Goes farther, time --
Deer runs into the road, man essno back brake in the floor - before the
deer stopped. Goes farther, and here on the road - BEAR! A guy on
brakes, but doing nothing may, broads, the car to pieces,
bear lying dead. A man crawls out of a smoking machine and says:
- Shit, I had a rabbit to push ...
Harvest
Joke #28055 —  
 
0
 
New voicemail

(Sorry if I missed something before you write it.)

And you a Happy!
And you a Happy New Year!
And you with new 2005-m!
And you from the heart!
And you with all my heart!
And yours too, joy and good luck!
And you health and happiness!
And you success in your work!
And you have remained so in the past!
And you all sorts of inspirations!
And you finally meet you!
And you finally go away!
And you so loved!
And you have to stand!
And you make it!
And you have to avoid!
And you wife does not drink!
And you are an unmarried peasant!
And you have to come true!
And you to enjoy it!
And you have to complete the cup!
And you buy a normal wheelbarrow!
And so you head!
And you have the neighbors!
And you order more!
And you so often!
And you, too, the same!
And you also go back!
And so do you!
And so you!
And in order for you!
And in order yours!
And to have them!
And so at all!
And so ever!
And so as always!
And "chtop vasche (s)!
And you too, thank you for your kind words!
And thanks to you, do not forget!

Happy New Year! Happy New to All!

Sincerely, cherski.ru
Joke #28054 —  
 
0
 
Children in kindergarten ...
Peter: "I have my father - owner of car dealership. I'm Santa Claus for children BMW
commissioned for the New Year. "
Vasya: "And my father - owner of the restaurant. I ordered a Santa Claus
great-great cake. "
Little Johnny was sitting turnip scratches from envy, and says: "Yeah, that would be new to you
year, my dad - killer ... I'll order him to Santa Claus! "
Joke #28053 —  
 
0
 
So let us drink to the fact that the ensuing year was better than the previous, but
much worse than the next!
Joke #28052 —  
 
0
 
Time translated 3 times a year: spring, autumn and in December!
Joke #28051 —  
 
0
 
- What is supersklochnost?
- It's at 23:59 on December 31 to knock on the walls and shouting that interfere with sleep!
Joke #28050 —  
 
0
 
Know what is loneliness?
This is when the 31 December at 23:00 you are sending any garbage on anekdot.ru ...
Joke #28049 —  
 
0
 
New Year's night. Street. Father Frost and Snow Maiden. Snow Maiden:
- I'm so tired. All the holiday, and we ...
Santa Claus:
- But this is really a holiday! Look, look (pointing to
passing a police car with flashing lights) - even the police in the holiday
forced to go with garlands.
Joke #28048 —  
 
0
 
- Chef! To you cards come with congratulations!
- And they went ... Let Krytka itself to come!
Joke #28047 —  
 
0
 
How to ask a girl about her age, but not to offend her?
Ask how many times in her life she saw the film "Irony of Fate,
or with light steam! "
marinchenko@yandex.ru
Joke #28046 —  
 
0
 
From 1 January 2005 social benefits are replaced by cash
compensation, as from 1 January 2006 - fines.
Joke #28045 —  
 
0
 
Guy razgovativaet with a girl:
- I'll buy a laptop.
- Oh, I heard men is a very important thing.
- And do not tell! I have a very long time preparing for this. For me, the acquisition
notebook - almost the same major event in life, like a wedding.
(The girl's eyes become a meaningful expression)
- You are so responsible attitude to the wedding?
- Yes. I say: in practice, how to purchase a laptop.
Joke #28044 —  
 
0
 
Female voice: "Hello ... this is Rosgosstrakh? And to insure the house can
order?
Joke #28043 —  
 
0
 
In response to the American musical project "Red Hot Chile Peppers" in the
Baltic states have created an asymmetric response - a group of "Green Cold Estonian
Poteytos.
PS And why so late? So in fact "Estonian ..."
Joke #28042 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311