Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
The programmer listens to the interview requirements of the employer:
- You should be free to write code in Delphi, Java, C + +, perfectly
Know Oracle, MS SQL, DB2, solve any problem in
employees problems with computers, maintain a network
telephone
station ... Did you say something like to ask?
- Yes. Irons in the runtime does not need repair?
Joke #28349 —  
 
0
 
- So, my dear, my future son in law, I am pleased to give consent
to shift the hand of my daughter out of pocket in your ..
Joke #28348 —  
 
0
 
Terms of married men:
1. In the morning, love my wife, may now be the first.
2. In the street, give to the children sweets, among them there may be yours.
3. Always yield to older men, among them may have your
father.
www.asis.narod.ru
Joke #28347 —  
 
0
 
Medicine of laziness: "Pizdalgin" - is highlighted in the Chief's office.
Joke #28346 —  
 
0
 
No more online dating this site, which would not vodilis
crocodiles.
Joke #28344 —  
 
0
 
- How are you there in space, are without fault, without women?
- And now for this and give us heroes!
From an interview with cosmonaut Yuri Usachev, "Private Life", Russia, 19.11.04
Joke #28343 —  
 
0
 
Don Juan has never had so much amorous victories, if he had
only one talent - how to tie himself to any woman, and would not
talent - both get rid of any.
Joke #28342 —  
 
0
 
Issue of the Armenian radio: In what hospital unit for patients most
better life and why?
Answer: in proctologic. Because they have every dinner - by candlelight.
Joke #28341 —  
 
0
 
"Three white horses ..." - a song of drunken chess player. (Vasil Lucas)
Joke #28340 —  
 
0
 
How would you say that an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
Speech.
Joke #28339 —  
 
0
 
- I really liked your latest book "How to deal with
adolescents. Just as I swung it at my ignoramus, as he immediately
stop snap!
Joke #28338 —  
 
0
 
You noticed that people who are late are often much more fun
than people who are supposed to wait?
Joke #28337 —  
 
0
 
Arab sheikh traveled to Europe and fell in love with Caucasian. Here is
Dad tells his friends:
- In short, he said to me - if you chose to marry me You give, I'll pay
for her as much gold as she weighs. Well, I tell him that
this issue does not need to hurry, let's talk a month.
- Yes, you are right, these sheikhs with their countries laws ... here we must think.
Dad:
- To think not. Then the little girl to feed!
Joke #28336 —  
 
0
 
Express Card GIBDD 10, 50 and 100 conventional units!
For corporate VIP clients new tariff plan "Exclusive" - just
for 1000 ve all violations in a month free!
Connect the additional services: "Favorite violation" - 50% discount on
any one violation of your choice!
"Radar detectors - Caller ID and the speed of your room.
Additional information - the managers in the offices of traffic police!
Joke #28335 —  
 
0
 
Listen to the voice of reason!
You hear? Do you hear what nonsense it is?

Joke #28334 —  
 
0
 
Any normal officer is convinced that there are two types
Ownership: direct and honest.
Joke #28333 —  
 
0
 
Turkmen scientists, biologists, after several years of research
made a sensational discovery: Yevgeny Petrosyan found a sense
humor!

Joke #28332 —  
 
0
 
Geezer is not strange. Land of the one who has his
No strange at all!
Lelik.
Joke #28331 —  
 
0
 
- Girl, you look farther, the better!
- Oh, thank you!
- And the closer, the worse ...
Joke #28330 —  
 
0
 
- You are what this concerns?
- Why, I think, as in one-room apartment can accommodate seventy
Five people, invited his wife on the anniversary of our wedding ...
- So have you got - round date?
- No, my wife - round fool!
Joke #28329 —  
 
0
 
Lord God decided to correct the case in Russia medicine and settled
District Medical Officer in the clinic. Comes to the reception to his first patient
- Paralytic in a wheelchair. God puts his hands on his head and says:
Get up and go. He got up and walked. It appears in the corridor, turn it up
street, he was asked: "Well, as a new? - Yes all of them - even the pressure
not dead.
Joke #28328 —  
 
0
 
- He made his wife a pilgrimage to the holy source. Prayed there ...
- So what?
- Nothing. There is no miracle has happened. With the same wife, and returned.
Joke #28327 —  
 
0
 
In a gynecologist's office comes to a girl.
A doctor in a good mood:
- Girl! How pretty you are - all this fair, blouse you
fair, trousers white, little white bag and shoes!
Girl (joyfully):
- Yes, Doctor, I have more and thrush!
Joke #28326 —  
 
0
 
Recipe cocktail "Idiot":
150 gr. Coke
50 gr. Hennessy XO
Joke #28325 —  
 
0
 
Came to the house of a rich girl, the owner hired a governess.
The owner said her good advice and asked a small
exam to make a curtsey that it immediately and demonstrated. Master
was very pleased. Noticing this, she asked with hope, they say, as
about work, adopted?
- Of course, my dear! Here you have only been wrong
interpretation of concepts: bob - is somewhat different, but what you
do now is blowjob.
August Bradley
Joke #28324 —  
 
0
 
I'm a gypsy now for 50 bucks should be reminded that what I goof.
Joke #28323 —  
 
0
 
How to think which of my engineer - I am afraid to go to the doctor.
Joke #28322 —  
 
1
 
They lie in a glass of two lenses, and then another one says:
- Pancakes, you hear, for twelve days, and we have no one eye!
Joke #28321 —  
 
0
 
True freedom begins when you come two
chief.
Joke #28320 —  
 
0
 
A good friend - one who will not let you go to prison for stupidity.
This one - is one that will sit with you in the next cell
and say "B # I, it was cool!"
Joke #28319 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the continuing rise in price of living in New York, robbers
now demand from their victims by 3% more money.
Joke #28318 —  
 
0
 
He swore a long word of three letters ...
Joke #28317 —  
 
0
 
Recollections from the exhibition:
Here is a rare masterpiece - "Portrait of an unknown." This previously
unknown copy of a painting by an unknown artist, made known

whom, who knows when, and who knows how we got into the museum.
Joke #28316 —  
 
0
 
Soul hurts, and you begin to heal - liver hurts!

Joke #28315 —  
 
0
 
- Took on a sample of Thousand Island dressing.
- And how?
- Imagine, two missing.
Joke #28314 —  
 
0
 
Suitable grandson to grandmother, and sees that it is on the computer e-mail reads.
- Well, Th, grandmother, spam?
- Oh no spam, my son, the night is not spam!
Joke #28313 —  
 
0
 
Few people know ...
As for the conception traffic police inspector a condom in the strip and
safety pin.
Joke #28312 —  
 
0
 
Dear God also loves humor. Especially weather forecasts.
Joke #28311 —  
 
0
 
Professor takes the exam at the blonde. That, of course, neither in the tooth
foot.
Professor wearily says:
- You know, girl, you remind me a demo version.
- Oh, you think me as bright and beautiful?
- No, just your ability as much limited.
Joke #28309 —  
 
0
 
- Uncle, but as he correctly called, mAbilnik or mobile?
- Put in place the phone!
Joke #28308 —  
 
0
 
In marriage agency:
- A young man, what you want?
- I? Gorgeous blonde!
- OK! No problem! Consider that is just what you have to feed
and repaint!
Squirrel.
Joke #28307 —  
 
1
 
Army. Leaves demobee.
- Well, sit down at the track ... Perfume 20, and the scoops 10 times!
Joke #28306 —  
 
0
 
Sweden, Stockholm. Hour of the night. In the streets of the city at night wandering Peterson
with a hangover. Have a drink, and all shops are closed! Suddenly stumbles on
peasant:
- Want to drink?
- Ask!
- A bottle of vodka is.
- How much?
- Some fifty crowns.
- To hell with you, come on!
- At. Want more - call, - man held out a scrap of paper.
Lucky Peterson returned home, opens the bottle, swallowing ...
Damn! Instead of vodka - water! Angry Peterson on the phone. Sleepy
voice says:
- Manager plumbing service in Stockholm you listening ...
Kulkovsky
Joke #28305 —  
 
0
 
Beautiful girl trains hard in the gym. Suddenly
feels himself to someone's opinion. Oborachivetsya - on the contrary there are two
pitching-Georgian, both standing, and looking at her. She:
- And I see that you are talking about me.
Joke #28304 —  
 
0
 
My dog is up to 6 months, thought that her name was "Oy_Kakaya_Sobachka"
after - "UBERITE_SOBAKU!"
Joke #28303 —  
 
0
 
In the lair of Sherkhan creeping jackal Tabakki - broken legs, broken face,
tail cut off.
- Well? - Asked Sher Khan.
- Ak ... Ak ... Akela has missed, - barely moving his tongue utters Tabakki.
- And Mowgli?
- And Mowgli, the bastard got!
Lelik.
Joke #28302 —  
 
0
 
Health is given to man only once, and drank it must be so,
then not be excruciatingly painful ...
Joke #28301 —  
 
0
 
- My wife is clearly not at home. Phone has already cooled down.
Joke #28300 —  
 
0
 
The most unbearable work - at Goznak. Every day see this
wealth and do not bear it!
Joke #28299 —  
 
0
 
In response to numerous protests Russian pensioners,
Government has developed a new program - a program of replacement benefits
euthanasia at low prices.
Joke #28297 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311