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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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The end of the day. 10 pm.
It zaebany insurance, loans, rent, lease and
Sourcing Manager is going home. Suddenly the other end of the hall
distributed inhuman howl. He ran through the room and sees that
another manager on the computer screen lit inscription "Now you can
withdraw from the system. "
Both the manager a long time and staring blankly at the monitor. Finally one of them softly
says:
- It can not be so simple ..
Joke #29205 —  
 
-1
 
Poor soldier that does not dream of becoming a general.
It's a poor programmer that does not dream to kill Bill.
Joke #29204 —  
 
-1
 
Dear Yuri Luzhkov and the Moscow city government!
We congratulate you on Happy New Year!
I sincerely wish that your whole life to go public
transport these fucking turnstiles!
Muscovites (3 million signatures).
Joke #29203 —  
 
0
 
Again he slept little, and again looked out the window. And the platform
say:
- This is the city of Leningrad.
Again he slept little, and again looked out the window. And the platform
say:
- This is the city of Leningrad.
Again he slept little, and again looked out the window. And the platform
say:
- This Saint Petersburg.
satiriki.ru
Joke #29202 —  
 
0
 
Previously, Russia was fun - to beat the wall on the wall. Now - the roof
the roof.
Joke #29201 —  
 
-1
 
At the last meeting Gos.Duma eliminated the threshold of voter turnout.
At today's meeting made zakonoprekt on the Elimination of themselves
voters.
Joke #29200 —  
 
-1
 
What distinguishes the freedom of independence?
Independence - is when you do not pay for. And freedom, when for thee
do not think.
Joke #29199 —  
 
-1
 
- Waiter! Make me drink: one hundred grams of wheat, one hundred grams of
Capital. And Do not stir!
(C) Robie
Joke #29198 —  
 
-1
 
Some people do much good either, they are still meeting with the jaw
cover.
Joke #29196 —  
 
-1
 
Ant can fall from any height, and it will be nothing.
A cat may fall from an average tree, and it will be nothing.
A Russian man can fall from a chair, and will still drink.
Joke #29195 —  
 
1
 
- What are you going zigzazami and grasp at the poles, you're sober?
- Check the autopilot!
Joke #29194 —  
 
1
 
Students ask the teacher:
- Can we at your next pair did not arrive?
- Yes.
- And you will not be celebrating?
- No, I do not drink at work!
Joke #29193 —  
 
-1
 
Dear lady, you have lived with this man for several months, and each
day is approaching this long-awaited day - their wedding day.
There is a simple test that will test your feelings and determine
if your chosen one is worthy of the privileges to please you with their presence all
subsequent years.

Count the number of positive responses to the following questions.
1. He sees each new "skirt".
2. He does not notice your new clothes.
3. He does not understand why you need to buy a third new dress.
4. He takes a shower at least twice a week.
5. It is snowing all over the apartment your socks.
6. He champ or burp at the table.
7. It ends before you.
8. He falls asleep before you.
9. He gets out of bed after you.
10. He does not remember the birthday of your mother.
11. He likes beer.
12. He does not like to dance.
13. He can not hear you over half an hour in a row - required
slaughter.
14. Every week he is lost somewhere in the night: he says that he met
longtime friends.
15. It is not justified.

If their sum is less than 10 - Congratulations: you found the perfect man.
If their sum is less than 15 - beware: most likely, on your
partner already has its eye another lady.
But if the sum of positive responses is 15 or more ( "Yes, yes and more
times yes ") Can relax a bit - probably another such fools
he can not find.
Joke #29192 —  
 
0
 
Adjutant General is:
- You see what Aquarium in my dress? But the fish in it any
Casual. All the holiday color!
- So in fact we have in stock only gouache, and she immediately in water will wash off ...
- You fool! What is water? In my tank pure alcohol.
Joke #29191 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
We play at weddings and funerals. Maps of the customer.
Joke #29190 —  
 
0
 
For pustyashnuyu typo Boris Gryzlov dismissed the secretary. And all of a business:
"Dear Vladimir Vladimirovich!
In accordance with your instructions eliminated the State Duma vice turnout
voters ... "
Joke #29189 —  
 
0
 
In addition to sausages "Yadrena smoke" should be produced shrimp "Yadrena louse.
Joke #28988 —  
 
0
 
Male - Cunnilingus big fan, but his wife insisted he offers
regular sex.
- Come on, lead me to his penis.
- Where, I do not see.
- Well, well - pushing wider feet.
- No, I do not see.
- Well! There is!
- I do not see.
- Well you got a nose poke!
- Yes!
Joke #28987 —  
 
0
 
- Why Jews are not supposed to drink vodka?
- Because vodka dulls the sense of grief.
Joke #28986 —  
 
0
 
- Civil war was in 1812.
- Yes? Maybe you and justify you?
- Well, the citizens of Russia were at war with the citizens of France.
Joke #28985 —  
 
0
 
Militia:
- I bought the island, decided to show friends, arrived, and it is not, stolen.
- We here hooligan arrested, he was painting the icebergs, and now thanks to you
understand why.
Joke #28984 —  
 
0
 
After graduating, one of the students begin to understand that it was impossible to
trusted to choose their profession to their parents. The other part - that parents
were right, but not very persistent. And only the orphans realize that blame
their own offense.
Joke #28983 —  
 
0
 
Housewarming GRU. Scouts on the tradition started in the new building of the cat.
Before that, the cat made an enema, an X-ray and the gastric lavage. And just
caught on the cat all the fleas. Four of them were American, one
English and two Israeli.
(C) Robie
Joke #28982 —  
 
0
 
Professor: Give an example of the effects of diabetes.
Student: zhona stuck ...
Joke #28981 —  
 
0
 
Woman of Mystery fouled it ...
http://internet-portal.ru
Joke #28980 —  
 
0
 
- Little Johnny!? Why are you late?
- Piglet hung on the tree.
- Why?
- Mama said titmouse like fresh bacon.
Joke #28979 —  
 
0
 
- "Mr. Holmes, you poisoned the cake from Professor Moriarty.
- Mrs. Hudson, give it to the poor!
Joke #28978 —  
 
0
 
Announcement: Theater invites young temperamental actress. Payment
poaktno.
Joke #28977 —  
 
0
 
Bribery, communications and intrigue, love and hatred, deceit and vices,
fighting clans - see the new reality show TOWN HALL!
Joke #28976 —  
 
0
 
- What is the difference from the natural gender selection?
- In contrast to natural selection, sex can be natural,
unnatural, and unnatural.
Joke #28975 —  
 
0
 
Daughter of Vladimir Putin is going to come to the institute. Contest huge
40 institutions in place.
Joke #28974 —  
 
0
 
According to statistics, one hundred and ninety of Russians surveyed
fully endorsed the government policies, and ten - always
support. The remaining 150 million no one ever asked.
Joke #28973 —  
 
0
 
Tost told me today.
On the day of birth.
It sounds so.

Health to you, good luck and money. The rest of you have ...

A lot of thought ...
Joke #28972 —  
 
0
 
The most effective means of destruction false airfields - this is a false
bombing.
Joke #28971 —  
 
0
 
Dick Cheney, in this season decided to re-hunt ducks.
Imagine his surprise when all his friends under different
pretexts refused to join him.
Joke #28970 —  
 
0
 
Do not hit on the gay parade? No problem! Visit the morning traffic police in your divorce
city!
Joke #28969 —  
 
0
 
He was a good man: translating old ladies across the street, handing out
condoms to children, helped to explode a suicide bomber.
Joke #28968 —  
 
0
 
Are changing presidents. Are changing prime ministers. Me at all
power.
Only Mouse Railway from Corner Durova FOREVER!
Joke #28967 —  
 
0
 
In the area of Greenland was discovered iceberg vodka. Greenpeace sounded the alarm.
In his appeal to save the marine fauna of alcoholism responded to dozens of
thousands of Russian volunteers.
Joke #28966 —  
 
0
 
- And my Vaska - Olympian!
- Engaged in sports?
- He appears in my bed every 4 years!
Joke #28965 —  
 
0
 
In our modern actors so love and appreciate Yanshin, Garin,
Gribov, Ranevskaya, Gogoleva, Efremova, Smoktunovsky, etc.?
Because they do not make them competitive.
Joke #28964 —  
 
0
 
- Your dreams come true, Cinderella, and you'll be dancing at the Royal
ball like a real princess. But remember, if you will not leave on time
ball, then at midnight turn into a normal moth.
Joke #28963 —  
 
0
 
For example, imagine that you have a broken computer. What do you do?
No, the TV also broke. Well, this happens in life. What then?
Well, let either his wife or girlfriend you do not. And pick up does not work.
No, and no money for it. What then?
No, the beer and vodka money either. And friends are all busy.
The receiver also broken. What now?
O! So you finally realized what an important role in our lives are
books!
Joke #28962 —  
 
0
 
Cemetery, "patsanskie 'graves. On one inscription:
"Here lies Dimon, who translated the arrows at the request of the program
"Time", and not Kastsyan Siple. And now he's always summer. "
Joke #28961 —  
 
0
 
Two pyannyuschih guy calls an escort service.
- Hello, this we get there?
- There, there. What do you want?
- Two b ..., w-the act of women, girls, short!
- Territorial where you are?
- In the bath at Podvoisky, I think.
- And you what, brunettes, blondes? Maybe even some
wishes will be?
- It must be so-b-a hearing and vote.
-?
- We are here to-to-to-karaoke! And we need two backing vocals ...
Joke #28960 —  
 
0
 
Electric ray scratched his nose, tail and died of a short circuit.
Joke #28959 —  
 
0
 
Tbilisi. Suitable Russian Georgians and says:
- Dear, I apologize that distracts you from your affairs, but
Could you give me one minute of your precious attention?
Would you be so kind as to tell me how to get to the street name
great Georgian writer Rustaveli?
Georgians looked at him and says:
- Wah! Daragoy, you are so krasyvo and vezhlyvo asked, respecting menya, paetamu
COME AS YOU WANT.
heard on RTR
Joke #28958 —  
 
0
 
Holmes, after experiments with opium liked to smoke a couple of tubes ....
Four Motorola already asleep.
Joke #28957 —  
 
0
 
- Dear, how you like my new haircut?
- Yeah. Grow a.
Joke #28956 —  
 
0
 
- Dear, I have seen such a wonderful and inexpensive mink
boas ..
- Honey, we pray yesterday said that over the next 60 years food they
quite well.
Joke #28955 —  
 
0
 
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