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Vodka - is as paintings by Picasso ...
Someone understands, and someone there ...
Toyota will not give her to anyone, this Corolla is needed most!
GIBDD Russia will be deprived of the right to drive motor vehicles
all drivers in the organism which is found Borjomi.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Once Stalin summoned Yakovlev aircraft and put
task: create a new, world's best fighter. Term - three months.
Yakovlev replied that Americans spend on such developments and a half
year. Stalin was quite genuinely surprised: "Did vie amerikanets?"
The plane was created for three months.
- You say that I'm handsome?
- Yes, beautiful.
- And so beautiful?
- And so beautiful.
- And here, walk away, this beautiful?
- And there is also beautiful. Comrade Lieutenant, give the right, I go
If you are in dispute do not have enough arguments, agreed on the statistics.
And 94 men out of 100 you will believe ...
December 31. A guy puts a stool and throws a rope on the chandelier. Suddenly
flung open the door and swarmed a drunken Santa Claus. Flop on the sofa
looks at the poor guy and asked:
- What are you doing there?
- Long life - a nightmare, I can not do more, I'm tired! I decided now ..
Santa Claus says:
- M-right? .. Well, if you're still on the stool, tell me something,
- Hello, Father! Something you are now a crumpled,
had enough sleep ... It spent the weekend?
Ukrainian scientists have found the use of mailboxes from abandoned houses
Chernobyl - they sell them Romanians under the guise of microwave ovens.
Which is better?
Wait until a nuclear Iran will suggest to Russia?
Or discard the morons who did not realize
What will be the end?
Meeting at the White House.
- So, I think that the priority is the point B2.
- Pancakes, last chetyrehpalubnik injured: (
Chernobyl. As the forest is Little Red Riding Hood, healthy under 2 meters tall, with
beard voobshchem ambal. Views from tree gray wolf, hanurik such, all
shriveled, from the mouth of saliva dripping yellow.
Red Hat says:
- Do you want to eat me?
- Or rape?
Red hat lifts up her skirt:
- Well then suck.
Everyone with something to somebody must, so - no one no one should.
Life, of course - tricky thing, but we - at least where svolota.
- Recently, my dog as soon as the runs to me, so soon
makes a puddle.
- And what do you say this to her?
- To me, bitch! I'll kill you!
Old millionaire with his eyes closed and with a glass Dzhusa sits in
chaise lounge by the pool. Beside him is a Chad and domestics.
Suddenly, her current husband 215go begins to groan and exclaim mobile phone. Rings
mistress. Husband in horror quietly without splashing drops his mobile phone in the water
wet wipes his fingers on his pants and thrust his hands in his pockets.
Millionaire hears everything, but does not react.
While the clouds hovering vulture.
A few minutes later her eldest daughter, trying not very noisy, is coming to
table, two fingers podtseplyaet ridikyulchik, the other two
fingers just quietly pulls credit card, puts it a neck and
Millinersha again hears everything, but my eyes will not open.
The sky continues to soar neck.
In a few minutes her beloved cocker quietly gets up on his hind legs, sideways
puts a face on the table and just as quietly pulled from fried dish
Millionaire hears everything, but is silent.
In the sky soars over two neck.
Finally, a millionaire on his nose, sits a fly.
Millionaire wrinkles his nose a few times, but not fly flies away.
Here she does not stand up, lazily opens one eye and squint at the fly.
Then he slowly shifted his gaze to the sky for vultures and just as slowly again
- I have not died.
In the hospital stairwell between the surgeon sits in a bloody
gloves and tweezers to hold a cigarette. His mobile rings.
- Hi .. Learned learned .. And how are your dogs? .. But I have this day not
very hard .. Two legs, a hand full and two kidneys .. Not?? Well
guys and eats! ... Tamara S.! Let's grandmother from the 15th to
"My dear capital!" --
Moscow celebrates the most expensive cities in the world!
The path to the stars strewn with rakes.
Last year, on December 30.
Director manager: - Listen, what's your name?
Manager (blunt for a moment): - and you are by what time do you want?
Medvedev on September 1 holds open a lesson from first graders:
- When I was little ...
Suddenly he was interrupted by a voice:
- And you right now baby!
After the morning-man calls a friend: "I woke up this morning - lying
on the carpet and carpet on the wall ... "
The passenger turns to the stewardess:
- Girl, you can take a little time ...
- If only for a moment, but the payment for an hour!
Programmer Petrova spent the whole day for a computer monitor - it
did not start the program ...
Recommended programmer Petrova sit in front of the monitor.
At Rublevskoe Bazarchik from featured Rover goes girl and wanders
counters along with vegetables.
Next stop Dedok on a bike.
- Girl, what are you doing tonight?
The girl looks down at him.
- Grandpa, one of you is the sand drifting ..
Grandfather shake ass.
- Really .. But it is quite natural. My cottage goes to
river, and I just had with his beach.
As in Tatar is "Please note"?
"Just remember, shit!"
As Lenin would have pronounced the word "Leningrad"? - Leningad? "
And what will happen if put behind the wheel of a monkey and give it in one hand
grenade, and another - mobile?
What lover of animals differs from zoophyte? If you zavodite dog,
you have not zoophyte, but if your dog starts a ...
Only start to feel a free man,
as you - holidays still have, and the money gone.
Teacher (U) said the class "Children, today we are writing a letter to Santa."
Children immediately went to work. It takes 5 minutes and Children (B) pulls his hand
Y: Well, Little Johnny?
In: Marya Ivanovna, and Santa Claus lives there where cold?
... 5 minutes again, pulling his hand
Y: What, Vova?
In: Marya Ivanovna, and he brings gifts for free?
Y: Of course!
Q: So, he has a lot of money?
Y: Hmm ... Well, probably.
... Even after 5 minutes
Y: Vovochka that again?
In: Marya Ivanovna, and "Santa Claus" is a nickname?
Y: Hmm ... Well I do not know Vovochka .. probably ..
... The lesson is over, the teacher rereads the letter Vovochka, which
begins: "Dear Roman Abramovich ..."
The first signs of pregnancy - nausea in the mornings and do not want to go to
The country today is the day of knowledge! The remaining 364 - April Fools' day.
different points of view
Well, how is it I am sick with his "tell me that you love me!" Maybe
plate to write and give her to read when she was again attacked this
attack zanudstva: "Yes, dear, love." No, dear, you do not
ugly. Yes, dear, but I like you. "Could have used very
guess what time I live with it, so not quite ugly. A
pristavuchka. As mosquito, chesslovo! Buzzing, buzzing. Maybe plugs in their ears
paste? Better write it down mp3-ku, and will include myself as a mantra. At the same time,
prisobachu ipod to vibrator. Then she finally from me leave you alone. And he
escape should drop off at my favorite, sweet, interesting, wonderful,
most-most in the world of computer game!
Is it so hard to squeeze out of yourself some unfortunate 3 words? I
because many do not ask - only that he told me that he loves. What
beautiful. And what fun. (I'm over him very ostroumnenko pin. All
laugh, and he?) Well, so new clothes noticed. (For the sake of his days
away in the store spend! By donating their free time!) And that
porevnoval little, at the right time. (With all in a row flirt without
tired. And all for him, that his interest whip!) In general, once he
he is not tell me a whole week, so he did not exactly
love! (leaves sobbing)
Not a good thing in marriage is not called. This is hard labor Well - once a week she
say that I love her. Scattered. A key to the apartment where the money is
not? And, she's still with me will live? 'll Go, pumped
There is no sadder story in the world than porn on the Romeo and Juliet.
- You usually get up to much?
- Well, I'm starting to wake up somewhere at 6 am.
- I too begin to wake up somewhere in the 6, only now to 6:05 I finish
wake up and continue to sleep.
Well, when a lot of firearms at home!
Just now wanted to shoot himself, while choosing from what - thought better of it.
In the family television without end switch from channel to channel.
- Grandpa, and what channel you like it?
- "White Sea".
Russian national mentality:
- Shit, nothing can be seen - the driver said, and added gas.
According to ITAR-TASS, yesterday, to the shores of the northern Kuril strong wind
washed several Japanese fishing schooners, two dry cargo ship, eight
patrol boats and the nuclear aircraft carrier "Enterprise".
Vova first-grader came home from school:
- I left to explore further 30 letters of the alphabet. 3 letters long, I know.
They lie in two travmologicheskom office. Acquaintance:
- What's your name?
The guy at the store buying watches:
- I would have any easier!
- That's very good for 500 rubles!
- Yes, I would be cheaper!
- Well, 200 is very clear arrows, dial!
- And no more cheaper?
- Well, only defective - with one arrow!
- Come on!
- And how do you define time?
- Well, this is Teschin problem!
The investigator was an experienced and immediately split Pinocchio.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
- Sam, vie to see what's going on! Just no words - petrol again
- Listen, Monia, and you what to do with this amount of fuel, when you and
Vehicle no no!
- But I have a lighter!
- What a Sunday morning television is different from the evening?
- A permutation of stress.
- On the morning of the priests, and priests in the evening.
- Listen, Nurzhan - have long wanted to visit you in Kazakhstan ...
- Why? I brought!
- Irina, let's go to the same room, I promise you today not to drink!
- Oh, Andrew, you flatter me!
The most irritating pet - hamster, running on the glass in
foam slippers ...
Kasli factory cast iron began to produce children's toys.
- With this toy you will always find a child where it left ...