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Women like being compared to cats.
That call her cat and she immediately presents itself proud
elegant, independent predator ...
Strange, but why not a primitive, hairy, ssuschey corners hysterical?
Joke #30128 —  
 
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Women - a very strange creature. They obscure the bruises under his eyes and
plaster over their eyes.
Joke #30127 —  
 
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Water - not vodka, not much to drink! And if you drink - you give a visa to
Israel!
bender
Joke #30125 —  
 
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frog sitting on a swamp with an arrow in his mouth. here man. she told him:
Hello, Ivan tsarevich. and he told her - I am not Ivan Tsarevich, I Jean-king's
in general, do not Manju zhyur PA system, and with those words tore frog legs
roasted and eaten.
Joke #30123 —  
 
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Users of the Internet gets to heaven, but there the apostle Peter, thundering
keys, he asked: "Are you registered?" No! "Then march back
Earth! ". This is called clinical death.
Joke #30122 —  
 
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Indian summer is good, but summers with women better!
Joke #30121 —  
 
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C understanding and approval greeted the Russians decided putschists Thailand
announce on Wednesday a public holiday.
Joke #30120 —  
 
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I caught the old man two gold fish. Was surprised and asked their names.
We found ourselves with the same name. Was delighted old man, sat down between them and
make a wish.
Joke #30119 —  
 
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In the plane on the last row of a happy married couple goes to
honeymoon.
- Dear passengers. Our plane is a zone of turbulence.
The captain asks you to fasten your seat belts, as well as
remove contact lenses, jewelry, dental, eye and loose
cosmetic prostheses.
Suddenly from the back of some guy breaks down and cry, runs between
chairs:
- Parasailing! Give me a parachute!
kmatros
Joke #30118 —  
 
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Elegantly dressed is the one man
in which the finger is no wedding ring.
Joke #30117 —  
 
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German cuckoo clocks.
Instead of "cuckoo" every hour shouting "Arbaytn und distsiplninen!"
Joke #30116 —  
 
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Here I was born in the winter. Now explain where I come from? Blogging
fly, cabbage does not grow ...
Joke #30115 —  
 
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At the celebration of the 90 th anniversary of the plant AMO-ZIL Luzhkov expressed his hope that
10 years will mark an anniversary of Zile.
Question from the audience:
Yuri Mikhailovich! When it was decided to convert the plant ZIL
prison? "
Joke #30114 —  
 
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They lie in bed temperamental French stand-offish and cold
Englishman. After a while her voice is heard:
- One of the two of you should get up!
Joke #30113 —  
 
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- How does a married man from unmarried?
- Married, too, promises to turn for you, the mountains,
only that the wife did not recognize him.
Joke #30110 —  
 
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Sir John and his wife were sitting in his house near London.
Crackling fireplace, cozy fire is burning. My wife says Sir Jones: Sir
Jones, you have traveled so much and see you. Tell me something. "Sir
Jones thoughtfully stirs poker wood in the fireplace. - Well, my dear ... In
America is interesting. Friendly people, fun, but kind
language. In case I have ever learned it. In Germany - is difficult.
You ask at the bar martini dry, bring three martinis. I almost drunk. But
Most of all I liked in Russia. In - the first, there is the most favorite
Radio - BBC. They even tattoo with her name are. In --
Secondly, the Russian is very popular English names. Wherever you go, then
and again you hear: Liu, Pugh, and especially the often-Hugh.

uscheren.de Boris Usherenko
Joke #30109 —  
 
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The lesson:
- Children, that you most dislike in people?
- Greed!
- Drunkenness!
- Gluttony!
Little Johnny:
- Shaved pussy women!
- What?! What's this?!
- Have you something, Chenopodium Ivanna, why bother?
Joke #30108 —  
 
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- My lord, today night I lost my last ship.
- How it happened, my lord?
- Sir, it happened at Trafalgar. Not enough words to describe you
the full measure of my desperation.
- Do not blame yourself, my lord. You have done everything we could.
- God knows, this is so, sir. Nevertheless, I do not find a place.
- I understand you, sir, and complete sympathy. Go. You are free.
...
- Shit! Masha! Is it really impossible to restore order in the 8 th ward?
Napoleon again spizdil pot in Nelson.
kmatros
Joke #30107 —  
 
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- Defendant, tell the court why you dropped his wife from the balcony?
- It is half an hour going in the bedroom. Then he came out and said: "Well, everything
I brushed her feathers. "Well, I did and dropped.
Joke #30106 —  
 
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When the man in the hands of the TV remote, for it does not matter if it
show.
For him, it is important that still show.
Joke #30105 —  
 
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Many Russian geniuses undoing is not wickedness,
and goodwill with vodka.
Joke #30104 —  
 
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Lesson spelling Chukchi school.

MRS and Shi write through S
UL and CB write, too, through S
Shark and SCHA also write a Li
In general, all write through N - cold, but
Joke #30101 —  
 
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Women are very fond reproach of men, that they need from them soon,
but they somehow little wonder that the only thing that can offer them.
Joke #30100 —  
 
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I do not know about you, but I realized that the motorist was only today, on foot
passing the interesting girl and trying to make it non-existent
rearview mirror.
Joke #30099 —  
 
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In Russia's provincial hotel room is considered junior suites, if
It already has an electric kettle, but no sockets.
Joke #30098 —  
 
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You want thrills? Tell a biker, it looks very glamorous.
Joke #30097 —  
 
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- I yesterday slammed the Pentagon's website. Yes, so that by the end of life, no one
recover!
- Probably a long time tried?
- Yes nonsense - scored www.pentagon, but as soon as it opened, so I did
just a brick.
Joke #30096 —  
 
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According to media reports, in connection with the fact that Americans are not allowed
Space
tourist, Iranian-born Anish Ansari put on spacesuit
Iranian flag, she decided to take this flag in his luggage. In flag
tourist seized with a Koran, a veil and a suicide belt.
Joke #30095 —  
 
0
 
In England in the plastic forms grow square watermelons.
And we near Chelyabinsk they grow square. They eat
children with square heads.
Joke #30094 —  
 
0
 
The son asks his father - the driver's passenger gazelles:
- Dad, though they say that all gazelisty fag?
- No, son, only to mate.
Joke #30093 —  
 
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Kill all who do not believe that Islam is the most peace-loving religion.
Brotherhood Islamists.
Joke #30092 —  
 
0
 
In its homeland Stirlitz in his spare time loved to sing. But
Germany it was a rare name.
Veland88
Joke #30091 —  
 
0
 
In the bus:
- Girl, girl, let guess! You - a ballerina!?
- Yes! And how did you know?
- You just kick the handrail grasp ...
Joke #30090 —  
 
0
 
- Hey, man, stop!
- Th?
- A smoke is not there?
- I do not smoke.
- Well, make a call?
- Sorry, guys, do not call ...
Joke #30089 —  
 
0
 
- Why the Dutch are freely sold marijuana and mushrooms?
- Have you seen their women?
Joke #30087 —  
 
0
 
At the doctor.
Doctor:
- At that complaining?
Guy:
- Yes, the wife claims that I did not hear.
Doctor:
- A sin to you, my dear, for God's gift to complain.
Joke #29870 —  
 
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One programmer every day hang Comp. Well, just every day!
And once PC is not frozen. It was Independence Day!
Joke #29869 —  
 
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Pohuisty against Lokhov

Battle against pohuistov suckers over volitional draw!
Pohuysty scored the battle.
Fuckers could not find a place of battle.

Joke #29868 —  
 
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Intelligent people always vote in the ballot box.
Joke #29867 —  
 
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Life should be on drink, so that afterwards there was excruciatingly painful for
aimlessly propitye years!
Petrukha
Joke #29866 —  
 
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Turtle - not a luxury but a means of movement of snails-extreme.
Joke #29865 —  
 
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What is the carpet? This is the place where to shake off the ashes, when there are no ashtrays.
Joke #29864 —  
 
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Who buys 1 / 2 tons of explosives - the Koran in a deluxe edition.
Joke #29863 —  
 
0
 
Here's an anecdote about the concentration camp at Dachau, which began operating in 1933

There are two. "I am glad that you are again at liberty, how they were, in
concentration camp? "

"Excellent!" Breakfast in bed, coffee and cocoa on the choice of three lunch
dishes. After lunch, we played sports, then drank coffee and cake.
After a short "quiet hour", and after dinner movie.

Interlocutor impressed: "Really cool, I met here recently
Mayer - he went there, too. So it is quite another to tell ".

Former prisoner nods sadly: "Well, yes, that was why once again
arrested.
Joke #29862 —  
 
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Sending "100-to-one conducted a survey:" The armed robbers
roads? . The first line in the rating took the answer: "striped
chopsticks.
www.xaxaxa.ru
Joke #29861 —  
 
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Long-term studies conducted in the Police Academy, pointed
unexpected for police science facts - the most common
way to steal cars are street thefts, and most rare --
accommodation and pickpocketing.
Joke #29860 —  
 
0
 
And what will happen if put behind the wheel of a monkey and give it in one hand
grenade, and another - mobile?

The same thing if put behind the wheel of a monkey and give it in one hand
mirror, and in another - pencil for brows.
Joke #29859 —  
 
0
 
Gary Kasparov lost to Roma chess ... already the fifth run he
lost both horses!
Joke #29858 —  
 
0
 
Housekeeping tip:
The size of the car is inversely proportional to the size of his penis,
BUT
The speed with which he drives a car, is directly proportional to the speed
with which it ends.
The paradox, a paradox ...
Joke #29857 —  
 
0
 
In Gazprom the wages that office space removes Female
team curling.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Joke #29856 —  
 
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