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Concern Volkswagen has decided to issue a new update
car "Passat" in Izhevsk car. The car will be called
"Pliers" ...
Joke #30720 —  
 
0
 
A call to mopg:
- Grandpa has recognized three of the day did not spend the night at home. You could not ppovepit, he can
you?
- Describe the specific ppimety.
- It kaptavit.
Joke #30719 —  
 
0
 
To live well in Russia, do not violate the laws. They should be bypassed.
Joke #30718 —  
 
0
 
In Russia there is a new party - the party of pensioners, surviving on
Motherland.
Joke #30717 —  
 
0
 
When before the last war in Iraq, the former Deputy Minister
Defense Jed Babbina asked how you can fight without the participation
France, he replied rather straightforward: "To fight without France - is
like going deer hunting without an accordion - leaving all the extra, noisy
things at home ... "
Joke #30716 —  
 
0
 
They were fourteen, but they gave us fifteen.
Joke #30715 —  
 
0
 
Couple lying in bed, after another sex.
The man said with feeling:
- I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world.
Woman answers:
- So I will miss you!
Joke #30714 —  
 
0
 
Whatever cologne homeless or drunk, smelled of it equally.
Joke #30713 —  
 
0
 
Georgians in the airport traffic control passes. Takes out his wallet,
mobil passes through a metal detector. Metal detector rings. Georgian
back, takes out a cigarette, keys, passes again. Metal detector
rings. Girl from the control service advises him to remove his belt. Not
helps. Metal detector rings. Behind accumulates all, the situation
becomes overheated. Grusin is already without a shirt and shoes.
Metal detector rings. Finally, the Georgians can not stand:
- Slyushy, devushk, tie MNE eyes.
That surprised, but ties it up. Georgian passes a metal detector was silent.
At one in the eyes of a dumb question.
- Slyushy, devushk when tebya vizhyu, the myna dick zhilezny.
PH
Joke #30712 —  
 
0
 
Pure love - this is when you love not having, but when you have not love - is
concrete.
Joke #30711 —  
 
0
 
There is no softer bed than the land: how much is in it is the people, and more
no one complained.
Firstonx
Joke #30710 —  
 
0
 
Vanity - not when there is no time to rest, once and when to do
case.
Joke #30709 —  
 
0
 
1st of September.
This student per day comes to school, learn everything. September 1
at 7:50 he was sitting at a desk and listens to the teacher.
This student on August 31 is to find out the schedule, but does not reach
before him, meets friends, and they have it taken away in a bar. September 1 he
tear his eyes at 5, and comes to scheduling. Dull eyes
looks at him, Burkan: "Shit!". And there the next time only
December.
Joke #30708 —  
 
0
 
God forbid that bird flu infected bird of happiness.
(c) IzhStyle
Joke #30707 —  
 
0
 
- I will not argue with you, - said the husband to his wife.
- Because I'm right?
- Because you're a fool.
Joke #30706 —  
 
0
 
- Do you have a windbreaker or oilskins rubles for 600-700?
- No! But there uraganki for 1000 and tsunamki for 1500!
Joke #30705 —  
 
0
 
- Son, how can you not ashamed? You're four months not provedyval
her old mother.
- Yes, Mom, I'm sorry .. With you 122 tales.
kmatros
Joke #30704 —  
 
0
 
Agent nationalist security.
Joke #30703 —  
 
-1
 
- Went on strike shahtepy!
- To issue shahtepam zapplaty!
- Went on strike ychitelya!
- To issue zapplaty ychitelyam!
- The farmers went on strike!
- To issue zapplaty collective farm!
- Went on strike odnovpemenno shahtepy, ychitelya and farmers!
- To issue zapplaty OMOHy!
Joke #30702 —  
 
0
 
- Why 90% of the red-haired women - whore?
- Because, if the roof is rusty - so in the basement is always wet.
Joke #30700 —  
 
-1
 
- "My dear, my head hurts.
- Nothing dear, it's probably, you have a brain grows ...
http://hvost.org
Joke #30699 —  
 
0
 
Announcement.
Selling my wife. In good condition. Joined: 1996 Bust: 2 liters.
Power: 100 dB. Mileage shop: 100 000 km. Color: blonde. Face
tinted. Oversteer. No brakes. Extras: Kit
studded tires.
Joke #30698 —  
 
0
 
- Peter, you already have a girlfriend?
- Yes, Dad! On behalf of Carmen. By the way, give me 5000 euros for Carmen
costs!
Joke #30697 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are going to the cottage.
- Honey, do not forget my fishing rod, a hammock, lounge, three baklashki beer
detektivchichek. And his capture tool for washing windows, two boxes
seedlings, washing powder, pump and a shovel .. It looks .. Yes,
it ..
Native .. Do not forget to wear a saddle.
kmatros
Joke #30696 —  
 
0
 
Telephone conversation:
- Hello, this tax?
- Yes.
Hung up. Half an hour later:
- Hello, this tax?
- Yes.
- Strange ...
Hung up. Half an hour later:
- Hello, this tax?
- But what is actually wrong?
- Oh, just an hour ago you were supposed to explode!
Veland88
Joke #30695 —  
 
0
 
- I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I could win
any beauty contest.
- Look more closely, and you understand that you can win on any
races.
Joke #30694 —  
 
0
 
Mr. Putin, will meet with Mrs Merkel, tell him that those
roads that they built with us, we are already defeated. We need urgently to something
solve.
kmatros
Joke #30693 —  
 
0
 
The Israeli military has complained about an excess of journalists in Gaza. Already
impossible to safely destroy a car suspiciously somewhere traveling:
necessarily end up in the journalist.
Joke #30692 —  
 
0
 
Interview with President of one country:
- They say that in your country oppressed homosexuals?
- Pidarasov, or what?
Joke #30691 —  
 
0
 
For mental well-being is necessary that the amount of money stolen
you do not exceed the one that stole you.
Joke #30690 —  
 
0
 
They say: "Do not have 100 rubles, and the woman have 100 friends.
But to fuck a lot of people still need
starting capital!
www.tata-minisoft.de.ms
Joke #30689 —  
 
0
 
Girl with her mother go to pet store, look what a girl would buy from
poultry. Suitable to the aquarium, where a huge tarantula sits.
Sold approaches them and begins to tell:
- This is a tarantula, it is not poisonous, very calm, eats little. It will
your best friend! Mother, daughter buy a spider, do not regret it!
Mother:
- Well I do not know ....
The seller sits down to a girl:
- And you ask your mother, and she'll buy a spider.
Girl, pulling her mother's sleeve:
- Mom, well, no need to buy, ma-ama, shook-alusta!
Joke #30688 —  
 
0
 
Ruddy baby! Want a free pustushku? Download to your mobile phone
"Lullaby"! And suck a gift from MTS!
Joke #30687 —  
 
0
 
About Ghali Leningradsky stops correspondent machine.
- Evening News. What do you think of the traditional multidirectional
Ukrainian policy, implemented in the present cabinet
President
Yushchenko?
Galya sculpts gum on the heel and suspicious looks in the salon.
- Boys do not slaughter my tanks. Dual-track policy - 70 bucks
three-pronged - 100.
kmatros
Joke #30686 —  
 
0
 
In Moscow, the panic: there was a band of "Black Cat". Night a knock at the
door. Man's voice asks:
- Who's there?
- "Black Cat".
- Come, my friends. Ax in the hallway, mother-in-law in the kitchen.
Joke #30685 —  
 
0
 
And what is America?
- America - it is as ... office chair! Convenient, functional, and everywhere
ruchechki, you can customize for themselves. But boring.
- And what about England?
- England - it is like an old leather armchair. Clumsy, heavy,
somewhere rubbed somewhere full of holes. But the cozy! And the unique smell ...
- What about Russia?
- Russia? Hmm. Garden bench. Hard. Splinters. Blows ... But her
carved our names.
Joke #30684 —  
 
0
 
For the attack on the USSR, Hitler developed a plan is not "Barbaros", as mistakenly believe the historians, and the plan "Barberry". It is based on a simple principle of candy. First evolving quickly, then long sosesh ...
Joke #30447 —  
 
0
 
Mueller comes to the office Schellenberg: - Did you know that your Stirlitz once again awarded the Order "Battle of the Red Banner"? - I know, of course. - So why not arrest? - And for what? He honestly exhibited. (C) Robie
Joke #30446 —  
 
0
 
"On airplanes and liquids have to say this: in order to finish transport passengers, terrorists must be sent to the airport one soldier with a grenade in the ass and make sure he caught. Or three. That's all. "(C) Badula
Joke #30445 —  
 
0
 
Village. Evening. From the house came grandfather. A few seconds two shots rang out, dog shrieking and heart-rending cry of a pig. Santa comes back to the hut, on his belt dangles a dead crow on right hand wearing a priest's dog, on the left - (just) a pig. - TV ... TV broke on.! A good night to him all the kids Give equal!
Joke #30444 —  
 
0
 
- Hey, man, what's your name, remember? Sam will be able to stand? - What are you stuck to the child? He is still of no! http://hvost.org
Joke #30442 —  
 
0
 
As a result of a recent study found that researchers like to do less research.
Joke #30440 —  
 
0
 
PRESS CONFERENCE Ukrainian premier Viktor Yanukovych: Correspondent: - VF, - please tell us whether you use clamshell Y. Tymoshenko, left in your office? Yanukovych: - What, what? No, I do not solve the country's affairs through the bed.
Joke #30439 —  
 
0
 
Hezbollah followed the example of Israel and began to scatter leaflets warning of the shelling: "Tomorrow will be launched at Israel 200 missiles. In order to avoid civilian casualties, residents are asked to Evacuate to stay country. " (C) Robie
Joke #30438 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the terrorist threat to the U.S. Department of Aviation offers two versions of flights: the first - no passengers (no one will capture board), second - without a crew (nobody will force to fly something).
Joke #30437 —  
 
0
 
Wife - the most indispensable thing in the economy.
Joke #30436 —  
 
0
 
Husband: - Where are you my kisonka, eh? Well, where are you, eh? Wife from the kitchen: - I am here, my dear! Male response: - Shut up, fool! I am looking for a cat!
Joke #30435 —  
 
0
 
New Russian broke his arm. Comes to the doctor. Doctor: - Do you - a fracture. Should be in plaster. New Russian: - Bratan why plaster? Put marble - I'm crying!
Joke #30434 —  
 
0
 
Conversation two zoologist: - You know, in Australia crossed a kangaroo and a koala! - And how? - The poor animal fell asleep in a jump and crashed.
Joke #30433 —  
 
0
 
Traffic regulations in Russia are reduced to three basic:

- Turning left, look in the rearview mirror, you may overtake countertrade

- Overtaking on the counter, look in the rearview mirror, you can get hit in the back of the machine followed by reaching

- Oncoming cars if you blink distant light, go with speed marked on the label, you just passed
Joke #30432 —  
 
0
 
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