Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Yesterday was fishing. The biting - amazing! Here are just a few dynamite
have ...
Joke #30995 —  
 
0
 
Take care of your head - suddenly there brains!
Joke #30994 —  
 
0
 
"No, Caesar, this is not a conspiracy ... that we have such a procedure
impeachment "- Brutus said, pulling out a dagger hidden ...
(c) IzhStyle
Joke #30993 —  
 
0
 
Little Little Johnny comes to my grandfather and said:
- Grandfather, and go today in the woods for a walk.
- Well, let's go, granddaughters.
In the forest, Little Johnny asked him:
- Father, but here is the oak?
- Yes, his grandson, is.
- Can you show me the oak?
- A vooon it there.
- Father, let's go to the oak!
- Well, let's go.
- Father, and I break one of the oak twig!
- Why do you?
- Well, my grandfather, well, break one!
In general, with the greatest of difficulty grandfather somehow managed to break off a twig.
- And what are you going to do with it? - Asked Grandpa.
- I'll take my father with my mother.
- And, why should they?
- Yesterday, my father my mother said: "That's when my grandfather would give oak, we're car
buy!
Joke #30992 —  
 
0
 
Once Napoleon was dressed in a simple man and went for a walk
in one village.

I saw it - sit two men. Went up to him and discovered that they both do not
missing one leg. I asked them:
- You are both still young. What is wrong with you?
- We lost a leg fighting for Napoleon.

Then Napoleon remarked:
- Tell me, what are your cherished desires?
One said:
- It would have two thousand francs - it would ensure my old age.
Another said:
- And I want before you die, to spend the night with Josephine, wife
Napoleon.
Napoleon wished them all the best and left.

The next day came to the village two gendarmes, found both
young people and took them to Paris, to Napoleon.

One Napoleon gave half a million francs and said: - Go on, live your life
happily.

A friend to the meal, and gave him twenty species
dishes and twenty kinds of sweets - and all of the pumpkins. Guest ate one
dish, ate more, and could no longer eat.
Napoleon said to him: Why do not you eat? I invited you to the meal and you
obliged to eat everything, what I suggested.
- But, - replied the young man - all that you suggested to me - one and the same
pumpkin!
- I deliberately treat you to a pumpkin. I did this so you understand:
all women - the same pumpkin.

http://www.buknik.ru/context/?id=10009&type=bigContext&articleNum=1
Joke #30990 —  
 
0
 
Question about the Armenian radio:
- How to distinguish from the real Patriot Patriot?
Answer:
In the performance of the anthem was not a patriot sits.
And the Real Patriots still stands.
/ True patriot /
Joke #30989 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
- A lonely man is desperate to find their happiness.
Answer:
- Your happiness - in your hands.
Joke #30988 —  
 
0
 
Of all the people who believed that they - the gods, for the last 2000 years, only
one was right ...
Joke #30987 —  
 
0
 
Head of the insurance company chastises a young officer of
that he has insured the 108-year-old old man from death. What
Officer responsible:
- Here is the "Guide to Insurance" says that people in such
age of dying is extremely rare!
Joke #30986 —  
 
0
 
Living in conscience, to live "a beautiful, but not a long life.
Joke #30985 —  
 
0
 
When Israel threatened to use nuclear weapons to
destroy Iran supports terrorist groups Hezbollah, two
missing Israeli soldiers finally sobered up, we decided
back from being AWOL and surrender.
Joke #30984 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, girl, what are your spirits interesting!
- What you ...
- And, indeed, in my toilet freshener vohduha such.
Joke #30766 —  
 
0
 
Multimedia tutorial "Windows XP Starter Edition" on 2-CD.
Izdatel'stvo "Teapot", Moscow, 2006. 200 rub.
Warning: contains offensive language!
Joke #30765 —  
 
0
 
Madhouse. There is a man to meet him the other.
First, in passing, the second spit in the face. How do you know what?
If a scare - the visitor.
If you give a face - a nurse.
And if you spit in the answer - if only the doctor!
Joke #30764 —  
 
0
 
But Boris Moiseev!
Frankly, he sings not very ...
And dances, actually, not a fountain ...
Yes, you know, and fagot of him, no!

***
He was flying as a friend of mine from America, some with Moses and his
team - normal, said, man, like everyone else. They drank in the plane
(fly for a long time), so Boris complained that the image shakes from all sides:))
Joke #30763 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday, Dad came home drunk ........
RIM was shocked!!
Joke #30762 —  
 
0
 
July 3 road policemen will not penalize drivers.
July 4 and in subsequent days - the drivers, please note that the plan to fine one
not repealed or reduced.
Joke #30760 —  
 
0
 
I caught hell Russian, Latvian, Estonian and khokhoVs, put him in a sack, three days
dragged over the mountains and valleys, in every beat, finally threw the bag and
fled.

The first of the Russian ran out of the bag and mats chased the devil.
Second Latvian jumped and ran to complain to the Council of Europe.
A third got toupee, but went nowhere, stood aside.
Finally leaned Estonian:
- Chtoo tutti proishooditt?
Khokhol:
- You, choloviche, Come out, I'll take a sack.
Joke #30758 —  
 
0
 
In the army comes to the political officer in the pigsty, he looked - a pig is pig-tender.
- What are you doing?
- Zampotyl said that it was streaky bacon - daily feeding, day
dick in Sraka.
Joke #30757 —  
 
0
 
- So, convicted, your last wish before his execution?
- Call from a mobile phone Voronezh plant.
Joke #30754 —  
 
0
 
In the RF State Duma deputies identified werewolves. At night they perform on the sly
laws, they have taken the same day.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Joke #30753 —  
 
0
 
Putin has often said that the successor would be no ordinary man, not
known in political circles and does not know the masses. This
it turned out - the truth of it. Once Putin came down the street, and meet
him - the successor, and so it went - did not know Putin's successor ...

Sergei Sesame
Joke #30752 —  
 
0
 
The Kremlin under President held a counter-terrorism
special operation. A suicide belt on the suspect, the boy was not found.
Joke #30751 —  
 
0
 
The most popular questions to the President for his Internet-conference:
"Tell me, what was dictated by your action - kiss boy Nikita in
stomach? "(5845 votes)
"Is marijuana legalized in Russia?" (2523 votes)

Putin: "I will be brief - answer two questions at once. When after ukurki I
kissed a boy, I realized that legalized it in no case
not.
Joke #30749 —  
 
0
 
Now the bad dancer can simply recommend:
"Changing the operator!"
Joke #30747 —  
 
0
 
What are the company executives who have spent money Tueva huchu
clients to ensure that customers started to call the whole country
"Loudmouth"??
OPTIONS
1. Advanced top managers that increase the liquidity
companies with rebranding
2. Dunce
3. Your option
Joke #30746 —  
 
0
 
Following jokes N1 for 30/6/2006. Another old anecdote.

Odessa Jews caused Chisinau builders on socialist competition --
Who is the greatest place to live will deposit to the State.
Joke #30745 —  
 
0
 
Call the department CAM:
- Hello, I recently got a job in accounting and I do not know
how to use a computer, help please, what I do.
- The main thing do not worry, take to start a sheet of white paper and a pen.
Now write the Declaration, then the red-line "Please fire me
on
own will ... "
Joke #30744 —  
 
0
 
Conversation between two blondes:
- Kate, do you know why the fish are silent?
-??
- And you zasun head in the aquarium and try to say something!
Joke #30743 —  
 
0
 
Family life has become a routine? I want something new?
Cold shower by candlelight will refresh your relationship!
Sponsors shares - Mosenergo and Mosvodokanal.
(c) tvk
Joke #30742 —  
 
0
 
Chief phrase "I have appeared interesting and promising idea!" --
a sure sign that you have a tedious, incoherent work.
Joke #30741 —  
 
0
 
Gazprom has expressed a strong protest in connection with the entry of Israeli troops in
Strip.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Joke #30740 —  
 
0
 
There are two Caucasians:
- Givi, who are you nationality?
- Armenian.
- What are you Armenian, you train to Tbilisi was born?
- Uh ... daragoy, and one who was born in a garage, car or what?
Joke #30739 —  
 
0
 
when the boy was born, he knows nothing.
the boy a little older - he learns that there is a typewriter.
When a boy becomes a little older, he discovers that his car is
four-wheel drive.
and when he grows up, it understands that life - it is a complicated thing, and
complete is not only the drive ...
Joke #30738 —  
 
0
 
Drivers of cars Ford Mondeo diminutive-affectionately referred to as
mondovozhkami.
Joke #30737 —  
 
0
 
- Mom and Dad than it is now doing?
- The backside Kolupaev!
- As someone?
- In "Zaporozhetskom!
Joke #30736 —  
 
0
 
For men all women are good, as long as enough vodka.
For women, it's much more complicated. All men are divided into the following
category:
1. Is it too little, I put on myself.
2. Is it too much I put on myself.
3. How nice that he came.
4. And he had pinned What the hell?
GDP
Joke #30735 —  
 
0
 
Alena / Holding: "I took it a rule never to smoke more than one
cigarettes at the same time ... "
http://love.internet-portal.ru/alena-vodonaeva
Joke #30733 —  
 
0
 
If vodka - the poison may have suck it out of the bottle?
Joke #30732 —  
 
0
 
Student comes to the hostel all battered and blue eyes under the eye. Neighbor
the room said to him:
- Vasya! You're a decent man, horoshist. What prompted you to fight
because of the girls in the bar?
- Well ... EE .. And how do you know?
- How could I not know? You stamp on the back of my shoe!
Joke #30731 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, how much I need money to get married?
- I do not know, son. I'm still crying.
Joke #30730 —  
 
0
 
If the street in Germany, you met a beautiful, well-groomed woman with
good figure, beautiful manicures and stylish clothes, you know - it
male.
www.tata-minisoft.de.ms
Joke #30729 —  
 
0
 
Moscow prostitutes held a demonstration near the U.S. embassy in
requirement to strengthen the currency.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Joke #30728 —  
 
0
 
And where Luzhkov?

He went to Butovo,
Apparently, e # ut it
Joke #30727 —  
 
-1
 
Armenian Radio asked:
- Why Russia has no funny jokes about Putin?
- Because in Russia after Putin is no longer funny.
Joke #30726 —  
 
0
 
Explanation: "Kiss of the President" is not included excursions
Kremlin.
Joke #30725 —  
 
0
 
News of the day: Putin finally chose a successor!
And kissed him on the tummy.
Joke #30724 —  
 
0
 
Wherever you see a forest littered with thick Malezhik, betrayed him
swamp, prolonged green Frisco. Rapidly growing dark, the sky is completely
zapetrosyanelo clouds.
The situation was completely sobchakovaya. I started hitting a light Kobzon, at
eyes welled up uninvited orbakaytinka. Serdyuchka felt
imminent danger. Worryingly rustling bushes Presnyak, I got
knife in his head involuntarily flashed through his mind - do not do it yourself kikabidze? In
this situation it was a very gazmanchivaya idea! But vyglyanuvshee sun
made my heart zakadyshevat new hope. Plucking up courage, I
shouted and about miracles, near someone alsuknulsya! How wrong those who
say bezvitasnyh situations do not happen!
Joke #30723 —  
 
0
 
Through their management and the wife makes husband blowjob so that more and his teeth cleaned.
Joke #30722 —  
 
0
 
"Reasonable, good, eternal" - is remodeled with Koschey Immortal
Diploma of Higher Education.
Joke #30721 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311