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Moldovan criminologists have established that John Kennedy was killed not because of
windows, and a rifle.
Blonde is going to Hiking:
- We must take thong ... so what else? A thong! What else? Yes, strings.
My mother says to her:
- My daughter, well, you at least took the tent.
- Mom, are strings - will be a tent, sleeping bag will be, everything will be.
- Yesterday went to the football - so messy ...
- And who has played something?
- And do not even know, but judging by the cries from the stands, "Wolves shameful" and
"Goats stinking" ...
Goats driving is more dangerous monkeys, because monkeys do not teach
insert the key in the ignition.
Everything is relative. Only salary - prinositelno.
Bright memory minute standing up!
It turns out that in ancient Greece, people were constantly on his sheets,
because they spent the night anywhere ...
He brought a peasant home, bought for the occasion, accordion. He sat on a chair, took
in his hands, pressed and began to inflate the bellows. Push does not change.
Two hours later, the wife could not stand it:
- My dear, how many of you can? Others, when playing, running around on klavishm
here and there, and you're harping ...
- Other, still running Yes, but they are looking for, but I have found!
Parable: So it is with religious denominations. Some whole life looking for, while others
"If you are buried with our help of three or more members of his family
then your funeral will cost, surviving relatives, cheaper
30% and the orchestra of fire will be provided through the office. "
Liveinternet.ru / users / greh
- Doctor, and you seem to have forgotten to sew ...
- Do not worry, patalogoanatomu work will be less.
If you got into a hopeless situation, do not despair! Do not go, so
The reason for that not to do, always a little more than cause a
- Please give me a filler for cats.
- Maybe you have a silencer for dogs?
If your boss has already outlived its function, it does not mean that he does not otzhivet
Ice hockey players believe that the Earth is shaped washers. Footballers smarter.
In order to prevent avian flu, the Ministry of Health recommends: Bird
boil milk before consumption.
At a time when other people discovered the Caribbean islands, Fiji,
Maldives and Australia, opened the Russian Novaya Zemlya, Alaska and
Georgia has decided to withdraw from the Union of Independent States, since
has long been heavily dependent .....
Putin has a new assistant. Chef goes to work, asks:
- As our Tamagotchi?
- Sorry, Vladimir Vladimirovich, do not understand.
- As our Tamagotchi?
Assistant sees - the case of trash, not in the spirit of the chef.
- Right now - said - I will know.
Leaving his office, quickly gaining a former assistant ...
- Yes, you tell him about Khodorov reported about Khodorov!
Bush talks with Ukrainian President on the phone. End
words: "Hvatit mozgi poloskat, poshel na fig". Surrounded Yushchenko --
confusion, rushed to call in the U.S. administration. They promised
find out some time call back:
- Sorry, but we are six years believed that Putin wishes to our president
Dear Muscovites and chocks our city ...
If children see their parents only uninterruptible power supply, then
when the source dries up, they begin to see in them only an extra
Unnecessary official and apple happy.
They lie in bed, two blue. One friend says: "Let a woman will invite.
- Why do we need a woman?
- What should be the same once and sleep.
- Doctor, you can enter?
- No, no! Morgue floor below!
- Says, the defendants, their version.
- And we have that. We walked by, watching the door open. We think: surely thieves.
We went, checked - no thieves! We think: Now is not the first place - then come!
decided: it is necessary to save things. So we brought out all the valuable ... We feel with
noble intentions and then everything would be returned. We address
- Well, why did you half did not return?
- Why? We were busy: to save others from the apartment of thieves!
A flock of sheep has announced a team and went - BBQ ...
Why is it so common to see people looking in the domestic
Yes, they are simply trying to understand where the same is the one detail that
determines a value of the car.
- I stand once in the shower ...
- Doctor, I am allergic ..
- Do not worry, drink this tablet and everything will pass.
- Doctor, you do not understand - I'm allergic to anti-allergy pills!
Finally met his half dwarf Basil (33 years, 112 cm,
54 kg) from Moscow suburb Odintsovo. Now the growth of the pensioner Basil
is 224 cm and weighs 108 kg.
- Where were you?
- At the doctor.
- Do what?
- Do Astartologa.
- What kind of doctor are you?
- Yes there is such an ancient doctor accepts, and in ancient Venus Astarte
Lonely man looking for companion of life for one night.
Chinese Family Planning Center invites you to the work of the killers.
Infect you with optimism. Sexually - for a fee.
Betray all. At face value. With the secret physicists.
Remove tonsils. Not through asshole.
Sell: horse for a cow, an umbrella for fish, the fifth leg for the dog and
poultice for the dead. All second-hand.
Let us drown his sorrow in your vodka. Departure free.
Society of Independent proctologist conducts a seminar on "In man, all should
be fine ...".
Group of Filipino doctors would get you to the livers.
Owning a hedgehog: scare your pets bare part of the body.
The engineer is looking for lucrative jobs in their field. Joke.
Learn what you breathe. Contact the nearest traffic police post.
Male! JSC "Piano in the bushes" will help you customize your music
tools against your tesch.
A man met a woman, able to build a house, plant
tree and raise her son.
Introducing vodka Pacific quagmire! Each bottle devils are found.
Vip-sauna is a new service. Now we can also
Ukrainian company represents a new pharmacological action: Each
who buys a means to lose weight - kilogram fat free.
Start learning to live. Phone any. Ask anyone.
Breeding farms is producer-rekordista bull glory. We
cut of your cows unfading glory!
The performing dogs on the methodology, based on the writings of Dale Carnegie. We
teach your pets to walk on their hind legs, whining piteously, wagging
tail and lick the hands.
Twentieth Congress of the CPSU. Khrushchev read the report: "The personality cult of Stalin and
its implications. "Suddenly, one of the delegates saw the alien, and he
- What are you doing here?
- Well, how would you say, think, how to run the country after the death
cruel ruler. Do you like this come from? What is it, in the space
- Not only in space but in time.
- Listen, can you throw me for an hour in the past, and then
- No questions.
- Excellent. Talk to Lenin, I know what to say.
Returns delegate back. The same Congress. At the same podium, Khrushchev, and
"Thus, in concluding our report on the cult of personality of Trotsky and his
consequences ... "
Doctors revived Lenin.
One asks the other.
How was the operation?
And what were the first words of the patient?
Lenin lived. Lenin was alive. Lenin will live.
MIA has constructed for its staff residential complex with a garbage
divided into three separate sections: an ordinary trash, garbage, and the average
Designator garbage. Guess the largest section.
In Russia, only two real disaster - is assholes and roads.
Bad taste - it is not an absolute lack of taste, and exceptional
sense of taste rubbish.
It is said in Moscow chickens milk and make a cake "Bird's milk".
After the merger of Pyaterochka a crossroads store should be called
Little boys are released butterflies with the words "Fly to the sky,
and adults - "Here are your 100 bucks, quickly get dressed and get out."
The boy becomes a real man, when
first time asked: "Are you finished?" Come on now? ".
More in the city "Japanese women", the faster moving the right lane. And most
rabid rush to the side!
- Salaries of doctors, teachers and others for budget increased by 15%!
Now everyone will get to work! - Said a leading television news and
- Vasya! And you to me for anyone caring?
- Yes! In the village after the cattle!
Citizens, beware! In using for two weeks "Actimel"
you are just starting to recommend it to a friend, but also together with him to look
Booze, smoked like a BG, and fell asleep in a ditch. Morning came with a goat
goats grass pinch in the ditch and nearby, and there lies BG.
Well, the most formidable goat, a horned, shaggy, bearded raid
BG pizdyuley weigh. During this time BG hardly tear his eyes and just
next to a grinning goat snout sees. The first (the same as
latter) thought BG: "MIRROR, WHAT DID, sweaty??"
Sent Hooligan Pitersky.
How are all beautiful! Do not even want to take a crap, but nature, nature takes
After a lesson some teacher sent her group
"All those who for whatever reason did not finish his job, may
vysrat it to me by e-mail.
/ your teacher "
Student sent to work with the comment:
"Sorry, you made a typo in the word" send ".
At that teacher replied:
"Judging by the quality of work, a mistake was perceived leadership
Professor at the exam:
- Give an example of automatically controlled biological mechanism
implication of living matter towards the sun.
- For example, on Fridays all living matter tends to leave Moscow
the onset of rush hour. And rush hour is automatically shifted toward