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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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May 11, 2014. Ksenia Sobchak entered in the Guinness Book.
For 10 years it was compared with a horse 3 847 564 fold.
Joke #37962 —  
 
-1
 
Many people wonder where are the lives Ksenia Sobchak?
Course in Kon'kovo.
R.Sh.
Joke #37961 —  
 
-1
 
Once a child my mother caught Lenin with a cigarette. He gave a promise not
smoke, then he gave a lot of different promises to workers and peasants,
but completed only the first.
Joke #37960 —  
 
-1
 
Announcement: On receiving a request to come to the head in his kimono.
Joke #37959 —  
 
-1
 
The girl tells a guy:
- I lost the innocence ...
- How?
- Well squander ...
Veland88
Joke #37958 —  
 
-1
 
He was so handsome that he winked at, even pregnant women.
nasnet.ru
Joke #37957 —  
 
-1
 
In the kindergarten:
- Zaur! You again unshaven come!
Joke #37956 —  
 
-1
 
Incidents.
Yesterday Dima Bilan, coming from the concert, was attacked by the crowd
excited fans. The victim escaped with minor orgasm.
Joke #37955 —  
 
-1
 
- And we work on automatic gas-water broke, which gave beer.
- How to automatic gas-water might beer issue?
- So Pi .. Dili we.
Joke #37954 —  
 
-1
 
Starfall. Mother-in-law to make wishes.
In-law put forth. A mother-in-law did not have time ..
Joke #37953 —  
 
-1
 
Girl for two hours in a row is painted in front of a mirror. Carefully deals
lipstick, mascara, adjusts eyelashes, face powder, removes two superfluous hair
of the eyebrows, combed, and then again puff ... Finally, it is not
withstand nerves and she angrily exclaimed:
- Lord, how much to endure, to carry debris out of the house!
Joke #37952 —  
 
-1
 
It became known why Elijah no longer travels through the sky at its
chariot. Do not passed inspection.
Joke #37951 —  
 
0
 
Lexicon men is about three thousand words, and women - ten
thousand words. But the advantage of women is in the fact that if you wish
it can make them for one minute.
www.xaxaxa.ru
Joke #37950 —  
 
0
 
Driving blonde. Beside husband drinks beer.
We passed an ambush Policemen.
Husband: "Warn oncoming drivers, they blinked. Let not the eyes, a pancake!"
Joke #37949 —  
 
0
 
What allowed the policy should not allow ourselves to no one, not consisting of
accounting.
Joke #37948 —  
 
0
 
Lenin was very upset that his mother did not live just a year before the revolution.
"It would be better, on the contrary, I have not lived" - he said in an outburst of grief, and all
him tactfully agreed.
Joke #37947 —  
 
0
 
Just give the woman rise and then going for it is bound.
Joke #37946 —  
 
0
 
- Who is a diplomat?
- The man that can convince his wife that her luxurious mink coat
complete.
Veland88
Joke #37945 —  
 
0
 
After the death of Mahatma Gandhi and not talk to anyone ...
After the death of Gianni Versace, and nothing to wear ...

Died opera singer Luciano Pavarotti.
Now no one to sing ...
Joke #37944 —  
 
0
 
How is life before the revolution from that now?
- Before the Revolution, said: "Pshel out!" And now they say: "Come
tomorrow!
Joke #37943 —  
 
0
 
Lenin said:
- At the party, only three of these communist: Ulyanov, Lenin, and J.
Joke #37942 —  
 
0
 
If a genius - that's about petabytes of memory, an intelligent man - terabytes,
teacher - gigabytes, office plankton - megabytes, guest workers --
bytes, the blonde - is a 1 bit (either "yes" or "no").
Joke #37941 —  
 
0
 
- Did you see her? She has the same feet from the ears grow!
- Yes-ah, seriously it is probably in store lingerie all bare
chest to try.
Veland88
Joke #37940 —  
 
0
 
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- What do they think elephants, looking at the naked man?
Answer:
- How is he still choked, breathing through a narrow opening.
Joke #37939 —  
 
0
 
The compound is Nootropil strengthens and enlightens your memory.
Patients - bright memory of you!
Joke #37938 —  
 
0
 
- Dear, beloved! I'll take you to the edge of the world!
- And Th I do there, when you are on a business trip?
Joke #37937 —  
 
0
 
Two girls stand before a mirror. One is trying on clothes, other
estimates.
- I do not go this blue blouse. Better I will clothe green.
Trying on a green blouse, then frowns again:
- I did not go black skirt. Best shall clothe pink.
Dress pink skirt, then frowns again.
- Well, that again is not it? - Asks a friend.
- You know, I'm beginning to think that I just do not go that person ...
Joke #37936 —  
 
0
 
Couple Sits on the bench. The guy "doing" her a compliment:
- Listen, you're so ... so beautiful.
Girl, simpered:
- What is it - pre-thought-out compliment? Casually insistent
true?
Passer-by, who is heard loudly and clearly:
- A successful joke!
nasnet.ru
Joke #37935 —  
 
0
 
Masha was walking on the highway - and found in a ditch!
Joke #37934 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, and when I grow up, too, will a Jew?
- It depends on what you'll do!
Joke #37933 —  
 
0
 
Now the composer is steeper, who has more ring tones used for
phone.
Vasil Lucas
Joke #37932 —  
 
0
 
- What's it like to go for Chinese?
- Crap heap of children and away in English.
Joke #37931 —  
 
0
 
If the employee service center to ask: "Why did slaves were often ill and
die? ", they did not hesitate to answer:" Because of rules violations
operation ...".
Joke #37930 —  
 
0
 
The treasure, talent, and the dog should look where they are buried.
Joke #37929 —  
 
0
 
Chinese hackers breaking into the Pentagon's network had been greatly surprised to find
on the master server sitting chatting Russian schoolchildren.
Joke #37928 —  
 
0
 
The U.S. government, under the proof of any matter is ready
sum basis ... naval base.
Joke #37927 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday said: quarterly premium is much less frequently than quarterly
reports.
Joke #37926 —  
 
0
 
The man in the supermarket, turning to one of the shoppers:
- You know, my wife, somewhere lost in this store. Could you
give me a minute of attention?
- Why?
- You see, when I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife is always sudden
nowhere suddenly arises.
Per. with him.
Joke #37925 —  
 
0
 
- Does the logic of life? - Asked the businessman.
- No, - he answered. - With age, the money becomes more and
opportunities for their application - less.
- Does the logic of life? - Asked Lovelace.
- No, - he answered. - With age, the experience becomes more and form --
worse.
- Does the logic of life? - Asked the sage.
- No, - he answered. - With age, the mind becomes more and happiness --
less.
Moral: live for today.
Joke #37924 —  
 
0
 
It is easy to debase a good name. Recently named Ksyusha steel
name only horses.
Joke #37923 —  
 
0
 
Their most unusual cat in the world lives in an apartment the couple Sidorov
(Russia). For one day host a citizen Sidorova visiting mom
cat eats 3.4 kilograms of meat, 5-6 jars of pickled cucumbers, leaving
around the empty bottles, cigarette butts and traces of lipstick. Judging by the number of foreign
women's clothing, cat per day catches and eats 3.4 small-scale women.
nasnet.ru
Joke #37922 —  
 
0
 
I am often called misogynist. Just do not understand what I do
irritating those crazy loud women.
Joke #37921 —  
 
0
 
Yes, we women are able to fake orgasms. But you, men
constantly imitiruete love!
Sharon Stone
Joke #37920 —  
 
0
 
What is common between married and unmarried men? Irregular sex.
Joke #37919 —  
 
0
 
Which letter of the wedding tables set, so the rest of his life and
snuff.
Veland88
Joke #37918 —  
 
0
 
I wonder how Darwinian evolution can explain the fact that
member of the male ideal in size to the anus women?
Joke #37917 —  
 
0
 
- Well, what are you, Malvina, not like cunnilingus? - Asked Pinocchio
after rough sex. - Although the word itself was long and unpleasant ...
- And not just a word, idiot, - interrupted Malvina.
Joke #37916 —  
 
0
 
A total of 50 rubles been one of the residents of the Moscow region to look at
middle belt of forest, tundra and ice of the Arctic Subpolar. It is so much
worth a ticket to an amusement park attraction with the ability to stare at
neighborhood with a balloon at a windy day.
Joke #37915 —  
 
0
 
From darling to the loathed one step to the left.
Joke #37914 —  
 
0
 
Drug dealer escapes from the police and calls on the move in a law office:
- Hello, fucking urgently need a lawyer!
And he's a girl answering machine answers:
- Thank you for your call! Unfortunately, all the lawyers are now engaged,
call after his release.
Joke #37913 —  
 
0
 
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