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Chelyabinsk men are so severe that shave on a lathe.
Nikolai Valuev after a drinking binge, returned home at night. Sees - pencil
lies on the road. He picked up, put it in his pocket. House gives to his wife:
- I brought a pencil, let a child draws.
- You Th, Kolyunya? You're drunk on scrap dragged!
- Why are Americans constantly tortured prisoners of war in Iraq?
- This is done for their own good, that Iraqis are weaned from the old regime
not once, but gradually.
- It's amazing what a half thousand Chinese rescuers so
time could not be found in western China, our water travelers.
- No wonder. Periodically, Chinese rescuers were met
some tall bearded men with unusually wide-eyed,
shouting something in an incomprehensible language, but they thought it was snow
Ukrainian Prosecutor General's Office in the investigation of the
poisoning of Viktor Yushchenko appealed to Russia's colleagues to
provide samples of dioxin produced in Russia. The request and
written: "And then the last time was not enough."
One bad start as the new Prime Minister Viktor Zubkov - the first
he did it "otmazal" son-in from the army!
Met two old friends.
- How are you? Where are you? What do you do?
- To work. The government. Eggs.
- How it works eggs?
- Yes, like so: and if matters, but not enter.
.. and the weather: a sunny, but nothing is clear.
What to do (in different countries) five men and three women, gathered
America: normal group sex.
Sweden: The mass production of pornographic postcards.
Bulgaria: invite a Swede, and he showed them pornographic
Russia: We invite Bulgarians, and he says that he showed
Girl in a jeep overturned on level ground. They ask - what to do,
how could ...
- Tights me ...
- How well is it possible? ..
- Yes, two times get ...
Scientists have shown that ejaculation takes place at a speed of 60 km / h.
But it is probably in the city. Outside the city can be 90 km / h.
- Zainka, I'll go eat, right?
- Come, eat, rabbit! Priyatnenkogo appetitika! Chmochichek!
- Herself like that! Fool!
Talking by mobile phone:
- My dear, where are you?
- I'm on the hunt.
- And who is so loud breathing next to you?
- Someone who ... Bear
- What is nano-technology differ from onano-technology?
- Yes, anything - and then, and another means "to deal with garbage."
Precinct - from the word "accomplice ".....
Looking first at the binoculars, and then in the telescope, Kutuzov said,
that he sees no difference.
- We are in the ad clearly states that are looking for people with an ancient dating back to the
back centuries, the name. What brought you here Sergei Mikhailovich
If the promotional materials of your city began to appear
some shameless faces, so soon the elections.
My husband says to his wife:
- It's true that I promised you mountains of gold, when we got married, but about
washing machine was not mentioned.
My adult life began, not when I was handed a machine. Not
when I broke his butt on the head of an elderly woman. And then
when she said: Send it in kindergarten, I was not going to sit there.
Sometimes, having washed and neatly combed his hair, I want to click Save ...
Old age begins when more money is spent on maintenance
health than its destruction.
Angel of death comes to the peasant at night and says:
- I came to take your soul!
He wakes his wife and says:
- My soul, for you have come!
Fall into the sky after the accident avtomolnyh American, German and Ukrainian.
There, they were asked about how this all happened.
- American: smoked grass, covered, crashed into a pole ...
- German: I traveled with a girl engaged in oral sex, fell into a ditch ...
- Ukrainian: I do not even want to talk.
- Commission: No, all told, and let you.
- Ukrainian: Well, bought a Daewoo Lanos in credit. Died of starvation ...
Developed by hackers Al-Qaeda virus infects Windows 11/09
installed only on the dual-core systems!
Hilenky such a little man is on a dark street. Suddenly the road he
cuts off a gang of hooligans with brass knuckles, crowbars, chains, etc.
- Man, the money chase ...
- Wait, guys, and you lot?
- Well, six ... you do it, the money chase, old man.
- Wait, I'm an old sick man, do not know how to fight ... seventh there
eighth accidentally join?
- You what, horseradish difference. At least six, even seven, still beating
will, the money chase ...
- Oh, please, I beg you, tell the sick old man, you
- Well, pancake, got out, but six of us, six of them, the money chase, anyway
The man, pulling a revolver from his pocket:
- Ugh ... and this time they carried.
Oh, hi! Happy New Year! ... What do you mean "is the fifth "?!!!
- The defendant, the witness complained that you called him.
- Yes you do listen to him, the ram is not yet say.
- What gift you want for my birthday, VV?
- I, my dear, do not need anything - only champagne and B.A.B.
On Tuesday, Defense Minister Anatoly Serdyukov, Russia sold
President Vladimir Putin resignations.
Diary of a deer hunter.
01:00 SATURDAY. Alarum.
02:00 They came to hunt and friends pull out of bed.
02:30 The car-pickup truck flung everything except the big
03:00 Departure to the dense forests.
03:15 urgently return home to take his gun.
03:30 ride up the dense forest at top speed to catch up
04:00 Camp ... devil, as always forgot the tent.
04:30 Care in the dead of the thicket. Take away the tree, to settle in Labasa.
05:15 The first portion warming.
05:20 attempt to light a cigarette with the help of wet matches.
05:31 Return to the pickup for the cigarette lighter.
06:00 Back at the tree. Second portion warming.
06:05 second lighting a cigarette from the first corner of his eye as a notice
clearing out eight reindeer.
06:06 spit cigarette, carefully vytselit deer through the optics, smoothly
pull the trigger.
06:07 feverish reloading the gun. Merrily wagging their tails, deer
deliberately hiding behind the crest of the hill.
08:00 Back to camp to have breakfast.
09:00 Finding the camp continued. Tree, from which descended hour
earlier, once again hard to come across his eyes.
09:12 second attempt to light a cigarette with the help of wet matches.
09:14 Attempt to obtain fire by friction falls. Gradually comes
understanding why the Boy Scouts and has not managed to rise above the rank of
10:00 Awareness of the fact that, like, really lost.
12:00 Several shots in a row, to attract attention. Instead of lunch
food are wild berries
12:15 Eight deer back. Bang! All the cartridges expended.
12:20 bad feeling in my stomach.
12:30 fruitless attempts not to think that the berries are eaten, to
refreshment, apparently poisonous.
12:55 emergency evacuation to hospital for gastric lavage.
15:00 Return to camp.
15:30 Care of the camp, the place for deer.
16:00 Return to camp for bullets.
16:01 shotgun loaded. Another care to Labasa.
Cyclone kills at 17:00 protein, which pulled out!
18:00 Return to camp. In the camp peacefully grazing deer.
18:01 feverish reloading the gun.
18:02 Pickup-truck killed on the spot!
18:05 Returned partner. On the shoulders of dragging a deer with magnificent antlers
the very same who dodged a bullet at 18:02.
18:06 a persistent desire to shoot partner.
18:07 The nervous walking around the camp. The attempt to kick a dead deer
ends with loss of balance and landing in the fire.
18:15 handling things in the pickup. His companion with his deer she may remain in
18:25 pierced the radiator boil.
18:26 to have to walk home, to hell with him to pick-up.
18:30 poke roots! Due to the drop the gun flies into a deep puddle with
mud. Gun fished. Continue the way home.
18:35 On the trail out of nowhere there is a bear.
18:35:01 precise shot in the chest bear. Goals dirty trunks
18:35:04 REAR pants sag ...
18:35:08 gutted gun flies away. World record for vlezaniyu
on the smooth trunk of the tree.
21:05 Bear leaves. The descent from the tree. Gun found abandoned and on
tree. Continue the way home.
24:00 Finally home! Light a cigarette from a dry matches, drink a third
(double) portion warming.
13:00 Sunday. Viewing game on TV. Lying on the floor
hunting license, torn into small pieces.
Mikhail Kasyanov sent a complaint to the Strasbourg Court of Human Rights. Not
2, and 3% as 2% of insulting his dignity.
Final Berezovsky - killed plutonevym nanoledorubom.
What is common between the impotent and a Catholic priest. They use
dick only for writing. One can not, and the other not.
When defending a doctoral dissertation scientific secretary "swallowed" the word
Science and received a "candidate of technical Baranov unworthy
Dr. ... "
Afraid of wolves - wolves not to fuck.
- Yes, quite true! risers to give the pruning!
Under the rules of etiquette mistress must be aged for at least
5 years ... your child.
Dear Comrades Our avtozaprvka - a cow, which brings us
- Something you shubeyka some vile!
- And pray like that!
- My grandmother, who visited in the meat department store, bought what she needed, and
Then, apparently remembering back and yelled at the clerk.
- After seeing the film "300", two drunken cattle held 3 o'clock
stream of people at the exit of the escalator.
If you feel heaviness in the stomach, it means too many women are looking
way to your heart.
- I'm Cleopatra! And the night with me is life!
- Not a fig zaprosiki! And you can all see?
Why blonde rubs belly dishwashing detergent?
Because it is written: "Effectively fights the fat."
Do not drink liquor all night. And then the next morning my eyes will stick together.
- What we have for dinner?
- Bean soup.
- And the second?
- Activated charcoal.
One fly asks another:
- Sorry, this chair is free?
- My wife left yesterday for bread and all was lost with the end!
- Che for the ends? You identify them in the face?
If people STEEL Bee, MOT ...
Bee queen would immediately tore off his head as the first step towards future
Bees would be all different sizes, because some of them would be collected
honey, while others would be eaten.
Collection of honey bees have declined dramatically, mainly because they set about
would trade in alcohol, which would be taking away from the ants.
Bees have to live in small groups and were going to be together, only
to drink or stuff nose wasps.
Fertility bees would decrease, as is often the drones would
mate with each other. In this case they would not cast out of the hive, and
Conversely touted as an example of upholding the right to own
perception of the world.
Instead of propolis bees spread to an awful substitute, which
delivered to fleas for sale in their market.
Young bees of all colors would prefer poppies.
Beeswax ceased to be used as a building material from
it would make the sculptures, and the biggest would be statues
bees owners formic alcohol.
Most of the time the bees have to spend on property disputes
origin. Some have thought that the bees came from other planets, and
others, that they are descended from monkeys. It would have been broken many
The bees would sting each other on any occasion, while often die
not only the parties to the conflict, but also those people who have come to understand.
The bees have practically lost the ability to fly, because some of them
wings would disappear for ease of movement, the other would have them shortened, while
Thirdly, they would be too large in size, as an indicator of special
steepness. So quickly formed to age-old dream
bee species - soar in the sky like birds.