Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Friendship with a neighbor does not imply its shares, to his children ... Why
with the friendship of peoples is different?
Joke #38462 —  
 
0
 
The main specialization of Estonian engineers - mine is ticking.
Joke #38461 —  
 
0
 
Speaks two friends.
- One can not understand it, when the Americans put a flag on the moon, then
Nobody was troubled, and when we lowered the flag at the North Pole, all
rebelled.
- It's elementary, the Americans no one believed.
Joke #38460 —  
 
0
 
Oh, the euro it? Oh, Ruble it? OX, CU LEE?
Joke #38459 —  
 
0
 
During the semester granite science to chew on that during the session
not have to suck him.
Joke #38251 —  
 
0
 
- You saw Gref? He is without a goatee, he left the Kremlin!
- Well understood, this is only for Class A! Not that has changed, just
should take - the government.
Joke #38250 —  
 
0
 
Gulliver in Lilliput convinced that size still matters.
Joke #38249 —  
 
0
 
One complains blodinka friend:
- Some maniac sends me a threatening SMS with the text: Your balance
less than 3 dollars!
Veland88
Joke #38248 —  
 
0
 
- Pay tax on luxury!
- Yes what my luxury! I live in the closet!
- At the luxury - to live without a mother in law!
Joke #38247 —  
 
0
 
Do you remember how it all began,
How was all over - no ...
This (first) version of the song "For those who are in the sea" was written
Makarevich with a hangover ...
Joke #38246 —  
 
0
 
- Theater Papa Carlo is a farce-comedy "Malvina - a girl with
blue.
- With blue hair?
- No, just blue.
Joke #38245 —  
 
0
 
If, after the soul of strong drinks are not thawed, it means you do not have it.
Joke #38244 —  
 
0
 
What do the director of the market?
Over the bazaar.
Joke #38243 —  
 
0
 
If Zubkov's son-in - Serdyukov, whom he has Serduchka?
Joke #38242 —  
 
0
 
Two ministers in the same bed just in Russia?
Joke #38241 —  
 
0
 
Our rights are not so pleased reducing the queue in front of him, how
increasing it behind him.
Joke #38240 —  
 
0
 
Only the donor sperm can say about their children: this is my handiwork!
Joke #38239 —  
 
0
 
Monitoring.
Dinner is much nicer if they are ready on the table, use not
only a knife and a corkscrew.
Joke #38238 —  
 
0
 
Glass fully empty.
Pessimist: all drank, you bastards.
Optimist: To be filled up!
Joke #38237 —  
 
0
 
- Yes, sir, that we will take: eye-glasses or a monocle? - Asked the seller.
- And you seem to not even guess? - Irritably replied Kutuzov.
Joke #38236 —  
 
0
 
- Soon, scientists will create artificial intelligence, and he many times outperforms
human intelligence.
- It is beyond doubt. And I now wonder what will come up in the first superbrain
place?
- First, it will come up with billions of new otmazok, just not
work. Do not forget, because it will - the mind.
Joke #38235 —  
 
0
 
Earlier writers became, when life is conveyed to the handle. Now --
to the keyboard.
Joke #38234 —  
 
0
 
... Faecal power ...
Joke #38231 —  
 
0
 
Tsar Peter I went to the west. At the reception, the king wanted him in the toilet.
After spravleniya needs Peter felt that he tenderly wiped ass.

Peter came home, respectively invited to visit the king.
Soon the king arrived in Russia and the reception was in a similar situation.

Peter previously put Ivan in a pit, and gave him a soft cloth,
warned that after the king recovered, he should wipe
soft ass.

The king was surprised at this and decided to look into the pit. Ivan saw black
beard
King decided that bad, and again wiped mazanul this rag on the face
King.
Joke #38230 —  
 
0
 
It is hard to say what you want. Even more difficult is to say, to understand. But
the most difficult - to say so, to understand and did the opposite.
Joke #38229 —  
 
0
 
At the start of the school year.
Hence, Patriotism, we greatly increased. Oligarchs all for the motherland
try: Faberge eggs bought there, a collection of different return home.
Well, Putin again raises them and asks:
- Home love?
Well, those as expected:
- Love, of course, Vladimir Vladimirovich, what a question!
GDP:
- Then what s ... all your siblings are studying abroad, or you
believe that our education is not the best in the world?
Oligarchs:
- No, no, that you, Vladimir Vladimirovich!
We decided to make a super-elite town, joined the program at Harvard,
Cambridge, collected the best teachers from all over Russia, the students - very often the children

oligarchs, plus two or three Loha-botany - the winners of international
Olympiads,
so, for ponta. Well, have begun to learn. And so, therefore, the first issue
suitable.
Program extremely complicated, and yet a clever, clean Jewish
boy nearly overpowered a medal. Only on "labor" (introduced this item
as in Soviet times) solid deuce. Parents in shock, went
understand the director. Director Chenopodium Ivanovna in glasses, then they
listens. Student's mother, wringing her hands, laments:
- My dear, judge for yourself. Our synulya has a multifaceted
abilities, of course, he will go to his father's footsteps and become a very
bankers. If you suddenly lose one's attraction to him is nervous work,
I think he settled somewhere in the government. And in his spare time

He draws well, his paintings have been exhibited, plays Skripochka,
won the most prestigious competitions in the end, it is
hobby as a science, almost a Nobel laureate in physics ... After
all, can you explain why he should know how to sew some strange
Stupid GLOVES, where they can, tell me, HIM
USEFUL?!
.... silence ...
Chenopodium Ivanovna slowly takes off his glasses and looking pensively into the distance:
- And you know, because exactly the exactly the same thing they told me 20 years ago
parents Misha Khodorkovsky.
Joke #38228 —  
 
0
 
The grandson asked his grandfather:
- Grandpa, where the torch?
- Why do you light?
- At svidanku go.
Santa says:
- I, the grandson, on svidanku in your time without a flashlight walk.
- Well, look (jabbing his finger at his grandmother), that you see in the dark.
Joke #38227 —  
 
0
 
Comes in an Indian passport office.
- I want to change the name.
- Why?
- You see, it is very long.
- Well, what is your name?
- Big wild eagle falling from the sky.
- Indeed ... And what new name you would like to choose?
- Splash ...
Joke #38226 —  
 
0
 
Interview with Russia's businessman.
Correspondent:
- Tell me what you think about the traffic police staff?
Businessman:
- Bandits unambiguously. Nothing doing, a mess on the streets,
Driver robbed at every opportunity, pidarasy goner.
K.:
- Yes, the opinion of an impartial, frankly. And what do you think about
Russian tamozhenikah?
B.:
- Hmm, yes, I think, about Policemen got excited. Normal in general
guys, polite, do not take too much.
Joke #38225 —  
 
0
 
From the notes of a foreign tourist:
"... Everywhere you hear the national coloring"
Joke #38224 —  
 
0
 
Kasparov called the Kadyrov bandit. Kadyrov said that he did not
bandit and if Kasparov did not pick his words, he would kill him.
Joke #38223 —  
 
0
 
Krasnaya Polyana explosives and Zubkov long thought, who take - or blonde
brunette.

It was decided to take both, and then switch.
Joke #38222 —  
 
0
 
Now for our health is responsible blonde.
Joke #38221 —  
 
0
 
We Zubkov Kakbynet new ministers.
Joke #38220 —  
 
0
 
Rereading the Internet, you realize how wrong the Bolsheviks, with
its universal literacy.
Horse in the hat
Joke #38219 —  
 
0
 
I've brought a guy a girl to his home:
He asks: - Juice you?
She: - Yes, but what?
He: - Seed!
Joke #38218 —  
 
0
 
A little boy returned from kindergarten asks her father:
- Dad, why do we need condoms?
- To the children did not
- And how it is used?
- Stork's beak to wear.
Joke #38217 —  
 
0
 
The "Taxi"

Question (blonde):
- How many cells on a chessboard?
Blonde (starts counting):
- Well, there are two horses, the king ... who's more ...
Joke #38216 —  
 
0
 
... Better than Dolce Gabbana: Better Longer than the grave!
Joke #38215 —  
 
0
 
Live only with his wife - the same as to solve an equation with one
unknown. Bored? Add a mistress and you get a system
equations with two unknowns ...
Joke #38214 —  
 
0
 
- What can you say about our new boss?
- The multi-faceted personality!
- Yes. I, too, he resembles a glass.
Joke #38213 —  
 
0
 
The fact that God made Eve from Adam's rib, that the egg came
before chicken.
Vasil Lucas
Joke #38212 —  
 
0
 
Substitute water polo player made a fresh impetus to the actions of its
team.
Vasil Lucas
Joke #38211 —  
 
0
 
Do you want peace - prepare for war. Want world peace - prepare for
World War II.
Joke #38210 —  
 
0
 
Government should be capable of much, but should not be able to
all.
Joke #38209 —  
 
0
 
Complete impotence - is when you can not call in to "Sex
phone.
Joke #38208 —  
 
0
 
Bad is not what is the oligarchs, and the fact that they are not yours
relatives.
Joke #38207 —  
 
0
 
The higher prices rise, the sooner you realize its vision:
or bourgeois, or homeless.
Joke #38206 —  
 
0
 
The current generation of people not their fathers must fight for our bright
future, and what they fucked in all circumstances.
Joke #38205 —  
 
0
 
- Where have you lost, the whole of September?
- Wife's mother drove to the sea!
- Well, and how water is?
- Yes what water is there - in the Kara Sea?
Joke #38204 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311