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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes from category Wife and husband

Top jokes from Wife and husband category

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In the State Duma held a charity dinner.
Scraps from the tables were sent to 24 children's homes.

Joke #4364 —  
 
0
 
In the State Duma held a charity dinner.
Scraps from the tables were sent to 24 children's homes.

Joke #4364 —  
 
0
 
In a rich family's daughter was ugly, her boyfriend started to walk,
and once his mother found the young men kissing.
It's strictly a guy said:
- I hope you are doing it with serious intent?
- What do you think? Not because of the fun now!
Joke #4394 —  
 
-1
 
They talk to two mothers:
- All tables in the courtyard domino go in! Children play cards
nowhere!
Joke #4392 —  
 
-1
 
They talk to two mothers:
- All tables in the courtyard domino go in! Children play cards
nowhere!
Joke #4392 —  
 
-1
 
Children came found out sick teacher. She lies in bed,
forehead damp handkerchief. The teacher opens his eyes and said:
"Duty, wet, please rag!"
Joke #4391 —  
 
-1
 
Children came found out sick teacher. She lies in bed,
forehead damp handkerchief. The teacher opens his eyes and said:
"Duty, wet, please rag!"
Joke #4391 —  
 
-1
 
- When I was a child, the doctor told me: "Do not stop gnawing
nails - grow up idiot. "
- And why do not you stop?
Joke #4386 —  
 
0
 
- Why did you buy such an expensive service?
- To the wife did not trust me to wash the dishes.
Joke #4411 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are going on vacation.
- Children will send to my mother - says the wife.
- Dog and Parrot postpone Aunt Fyenya.
- Cats take janitor.
Male looking thoughtfully out the window.
- If the apartment is so quiet, why somewhere to go?
Joke #4410 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are going on vacation.
- Children will send to my mother - says the wife.
- Dog and Parrot postpone Aunt Fyenya.
- Cats take janitor.
Male looking thoughtfully out the window.
- If the apartment is so quiet, why somewhere to go?
Joke #4410 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are going on vacation.
- Children will send to my mother - says the wife.
- Dog and Parrot postpone Aunt Fyenya.
- Cats take janitor.
Male looking thoughtfully out the window.
- If the apartment is so quiet, why somewhere to go?
Joke #4410 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are going on vacation.
- Children will send to my mother - says the wife.
- Dog and Parrot postpone Aunt Fyenya.
- Cats take janitor.
Male looking thoughtfully out the window.
- If the apartment is so quiet, why somewhere to go?
Joke #4410 —  
 
0
 
Man comes to a psychologist and says:
- All my life is good, but not enough thrill,
how would I get them and more? All I have tried,
and parachute jumping, and scuba diving, etc. I want
something new.
Psychologist says:
- Sign up for a mistress.
- I have three of them - is responsible guy - does not help.
- Then tell them your wife.
Joke #4414 —  
 
1
 
Rings mistress lover:
- Let's meet.
- Come on.
- Where?
- Come on in my home.
- A husband?
- And it is not, he is on the Internet.
Joke #4412 —  
 
1
 
Husband and wife began to fuck. And suddenly on the radio:
- Attention, attention, started the third world war! In our town
drops an atomic bomb! Farewell, comrades ... - Weeping bitterly.
Wife - her husband:
- You have always been so, back aches, the atomic bomb ...
Joke #4422 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife began to fuck. And suddenly on the radio:
- Attention, attention, started the third world war! In our town
drops an atomic bomb! Farewell, comrades ... - Weeping bitterly.
Wife - her husband:
- You have always been so, back aches, the atomic bomb ...
Joke #4422 —  
 
0
 
Wife indignantly said to her husband:
- Again, drunk! Yesterday, I was just happy to see you sober!
Husband:
- And now my turn to be happy.
Joke #4083 —  
 
0
 
Wife indignantly said to her husband:
- Again, drunk! Yesterday, I was just happy to see you sober!
Husband:
- And now my turn to be happy.
Joke #4083 —  
 
0
 
Wife of Mark Twain could not stand his dirty habit of swearing.
One morning, cut himself a writer, breyas, and made all
he thinks about the razor, shaving process, the manufacturer of razors ...

When he was exhausted, the wife repeated everything he said word for word.

- Honey, - pronounced m-p Clemens, wiping blood from her cheek. --
Etymology you have excellent, but here's intonation is worthless.
Joke #4082 —  
 
0
 
What men want to hear from their women:

Darling, you sure have drank enough?
Oh, how wonderful you fart, do it again for me!
I decided today to walk home naked.
I briefly outside the house whitewash.
Do not you must now sit with friends in the boozer?
I know that there behind me a little narrow, but try again.
I was so excited when you're drunk ...
Of course, my dear, next year we will also be anniversary
wedding. Calmly go with friends on the football.
Listen, I make bad. Why do you work? Better to teach
poker.
My dear, my neighbor put his sexual mini-skirt. You must
look at it!
No and again no! I'll take the car only to change the oil.
Dear, what do you say this: we'll get a good porn, take
box of beer, and I'll call his girlfriend on the Group sex?
I signed up for yoga, to try out with you all the poses.
Joke #4094 —  
 
0
 
- The Rebbe, a few years ago my husband disappeared. Do you think
he come back?
- Such a difficult question, I must find out from the chief rabbi.
Come tomorrow.
Next day:
- Rabbi, what said the chief rabbi?
- He said that he sees that your husband will return. I'm telling you
I see that he did not return.
- Why?
- Because the Chief Rabbi have not seen you!
Joke #4090 —  
 
0
 
- They say Nicholas married?
- Yes ...
- How's your wife?
- Guys praised ...
Joke #4089 —  
 
0
 
First Personal. The chief director of the Moscow Youth Theater - Henrietta
Yanovsky. Her husband - also the director, and his name is Kama Ginkas.
Anecdote:
Waking up Yanovskaya, shove her husband's elbow and said to him
gently:
- Well, wake up or something ... Kama in the morning ...
Joke #4115 —  
 
0
 
The evolution of relations between the husband to his wife:
I can not live without this woman (youth)
I can not live with this woman (maturity)
I can not do anything with this woman (adulthood)
I can not do without this woman (old age)
Joke #4108 —  
 
0
 
The evolution of relations between the husband to his wife:
I can not live without this woman (youth)
I can not live with this woman (maturity)
I can not do anything with this woman (adulthood)
I can not do without this woman (old age)
Joke #4108 —  
 
0
 
One man, deeply concerned over the death of his wife, returned from the funeral.
His best friend calms widower:
- I know you now seriously. But you are young, time will pass and you all
forget, you will meet another woman and you will be happy with it.
- You're right, it may take time ... But tell me, whom I do
today?
Joke #4107 —  
 
0
 
Wife chastises drunken husband.
- Masha, - whispered the husband, - you all write, but I get up in the morning
and all-read everything!
Joke #4106 —  
 
0
 
Wife chastises drunken husband.
- Masha, - whispered the husband, - you all write, but I get up in the morning
and all-read everything!
Joke #4106 —  
 
0
 
Outside, dusk. She lay on her back completely naked. Her pale
chest in the last rays of sunset highlighted in pink.
Raised, slightly bent legs, as if offended at each other,
parted and looked in different directions. Captain Sidorov, zapahnuv
robe, was standing in deep meditation. He was something to ponder:
how to feed a family of frozen chicken?
Joke #4101 —  
 
0
 
After meeting with his employees, the company owner said:
- Congratulations! You have a successor!
- Alas! With my salary I can not be heirs - I
be only children.
Joke #4128 —  
 
0
 
After meeting with his employees, the company owner said:
- Congratulations! You have a successor!
- Alas! With my salary I can not be heirs - I
be only children.
Joke #4128 —  
 
0
 
Husband comes home. He knocks on the door and the door opens ambal twice
more of it. The man is outraged and asked what he was doing there.
And he says that fucks lover.
A man asks:
- And what if the husband comes back?
Ambal:
- A husband and I fuck!
The man answered:
- ... dick, I'll be back home ...
Joke #4125 —  
 
0
 
Wife is calling the new Russian friend GIBDDeshniku:
- My goat decided himself to steer his Meursault, so do it quickly
law, and take a photograph of the press.
The same day the doorbell. Included GIBDDeshnik, extends the right
says:
- All done, as expected, there were only minor problems
with photo. In the magazine "In the world of animals" had to go
the library.
Joke #4131 —  
 
0
 
The man - a fortune-teller:
- It seems to me, my wife is changing with the neighbor!
- Diamond mine, how can we change this handsome?
- Yes, yesterday I came home from work, and no wife. A neighbor on the balcony
smokes in shorts!
- So what?
- So he's in her pants smoking!
Joke #3486 —  
 
0
 
In the rabbi's wife was the first time to give birth. On this occasion he
assembled congregation and said that as children - is costly,
it would be good to increase the size of donations. And the meeting decided
that parishioners should increase its contribution, each time when the family
Rabbi growing.
But as soon is the sixth child was born, all the synagogue was
resented. Then the rabbi said:
- Why are you dissatisfied? Do not you know that the children - a manifestation
will of God?
Then from the back row came a voice:
- Since the snow and rain - also a manifestation of the will of God. But this does not interfere w
Still wearing a hood!
Joke #3480 —  
 
0
 
In the rabbi's wife was the first time to give birth. On this occasion he
assembled congregation and said that as children - is costly,
it would be good to increase the size of donations. And the meeting decided
that parishioners should increase its contribution, each time when the family
Rabbi growing.
But as soon is the sixth child was born, all the synagogue was
resented. Then the rabbi said:
- Why are you dissatisfied? Do not you know that the children - a manifestation
will of God?
Then from the back row came a voice:
- Since the snow and rain - also a manifestation of the will of God. But this does not interfere w
Still wearing a hood!
Joke #3480 —  
 
0
 
In the rabbi's wife was the first time to give birth. On this occasion he
assembled congregation and said that as children - is costly,
it would be good to increase the size of donations. And the meeting decided
that parishioners should increase its contribution, each time when the family
Rabbi growing.
But as soon is the sixth child was born, all the synagogue was
resented. Then the rabbi said:
- Why are you dissatisfied? Do not you know that the children - a manifestation
will of God?
Then from the back row came a voice:
- Since the snow and rain - also a manifestation of the will of God. But this does not interfere w
Still wearing a hood!
Joke #3480 —  
 
0
 
In the rabbi's wife was the first time to give birth. On this occasion he
assembled congregation and said that as children - is costly,
it would be good to increase the size of donations. And the meeting decided
that parishioners should increase its contribution, each time when the family
Rabbi growing.
But as soon is the sixth child was born, all the synagogue was
resented. Then the rabbi said:
- Why are you dissatisfied? Do not you know that the children - a manifestation
will of God?
Then from the back row came a voice:
- Since the snow and rain - also a manifestation of the will of God. But this does not interfere w
Still wearing a hood!
Joke #3480 —  
 
0
 
A guy comes to the fortune-teller. That card spreads, and says:
- So, the first thing you should remember - not far from your home
buried treasure.
Guy:
- No, but it is already too! What are you, my wife conspired? Can
talk about anything except her first husband?
Joke #3479 —  
 
0
 
A guy comes to the fortune-teller. That card spreads, and says:
- So, the first thing you should remember - not far from your home
buried treasure.
Guy:
- No, but it is already too! What are you, my wife conspired? Can
talk about anything except her first husband?
Joke #3479 —  
 
0
 
He wanted man to buy a car on credit, and money for a down payment
and not enough. Vechepom he passkazyvaet my wife about it.
- Do not passtpaivaysya, darling. I account and five thousand dollars.
- Five thousand? How much money?
- You know, it may and sentimental, but I took myself for Addresses>
delay dollap every paz, as you and I were making love.
- Lord, if I knew about this panshe, I would have long bposil Employment
and took for you vsepez!
Joke #3506 —  
 
0
 
A husband and a neighbor playing chess. Suddenly is returned from
trip wife. Neighbor jumps up and jumps out the window.
The next day, man visits him in hospital.
- What do you suddenly jump?
- Do you know ... Somehow I was afraid for you.
Joke #3503 —  
 
0
 
A husband and a neighbor playing chess. Suddenly is returned from
trip wife. Neighbor jumps up and jumps out the window.
The next day, man visits him in hospital.
- What do you suddenly jump?
- Do you know ... Somehow I was afraid for you.
Joke #3503 —  
 
0
 
Remembering the children's poems.
Putin: - And from our window is visible to the Red Square!
Borodin: - And from our window, only statue of a little ...

Tractor Bel
Joke #3520 —  
 
1
 
Remembering the children's poems.
Putin: - And from our window is visible to the Red Square!
Borodin: - And from our window, only statue of a little ...

Tractor Bel
Joke #3520 —  
 
1
 
Little Johnny asked her mother:
- Mom, so I grow up, marry, and where children come from the children?
- You know, boys have such a handle, they put her girls in your pocket
and shaking until the ink does not spoil.
- And that the twins were, in x # nd have 2 servings of ink poured or his wife
in n-de 2 pockets should be?
Joke #3512 —  
 
0
 
Little Johnny asked her mother:
- Mom, so I grow up, marry, and where children come from the children?
- You know, boys have such a handle, they put her girls in your pocket
and shaking until the ink does not spoil.
- And that the twins were, in x # nd have 2 servings of ink poured or his wife
in n-de 2 pockets should be?
Joke #3512 —  
 
0
 
Little Johnny asked her mother:
- Mom, so I grow up, marry, and where children come from the children?
- You know, boys have such a handle, they put her girls in your pocket
and shaking until the ink does not spoil.
- And that the twins were, in x # nd have 2 servings of ink poured or his wife
in n-de 2 pockets should be?
Joke #3512 —  
 
0
 
Congratulating his wife on March 8 - the main thing is not to move to scream!
Joke #3509 —  
 
0
 
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